The Magi 1: The Phantom Mage
by The Storyteller's Mystery
Summary: It all started so simply. Kyle wanted to outdo Flan, Sigmund wanted to show up Kyle, Poopatine wanted nothing. Now if only Brenda had felt the same. They weren't that lucky, and with a simple white lie the trio was sucked into a situation they never dreamed they'd be in; and soon they drag Mufflin, Lenny, Fanboy, and Chum Chum with them. Not enough? Well Sigmund's been targeted.
1. Student Exchange Program?

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: Student Exchange**_

(A/N: I might as well clear this up right now. I'm not a huge fan of Fanboy and Chum Chum, but I can stand it now. I used to not be able to take it at all, then I saw an episode with Kyle while my brother was watching it. Surprisingly I found I actually don't mine Kyle, Sigmund, Mr. Mufflin, Lenny, and Janitor Poopatine. In fact, I credit the janitor with throwing me on a Star Wars kick. Normally I hate sci-fi, but Janitor Poopatine made me curious about the plot line of the Star Wars franchise. Not bad, really. I watch Fanboy and Chum Chum now in hope of seeing any of the characters I actually don't mind. In order to stick with the plot of the story, stay in character, and avoid OC's I had to watch more of them, though. This was honestly just an experiment to see what I could do with this.)

Student Exchange Program

Sigmund sighed deeply in annoyance as he walked off the set towards his trailer. Screaming fan-girls, as they were dubbed, were tailing him trying to get into his force field. Dull, as usual. He supposed he should be ecstatic. Any other preteen boy would be. It was just getting so dull and repetitive now. Why couldn't they just find a life and leave him alone? His fan base was spreading too. Now it wasn't just girls after him. Talk shows, reporters, adults, elderly, everything. How could life possibly get more drab?

He frowned in annoyance at his fan following and opened his trailer door. He turned, forced an indifferent smile, then bowed lowly to them before entering and slamming it shut. Outside he heard his producer shooing away the fans and other. Oh wonderful. Now he'd be stuck listening to _that_ old fool suck up to him then drag him down. Sure enough the dressing room door opened and Sigmund boredly leaned against the desk, waiting. "Sigmund, baby, you were great out there, just great. I daresay that was your best trick yet."

"It iz not un trick. It iz magic," Sigmund stated flat out as he examined his nails trying not to look peeved. This whole bit was getting old.

"Sure, sure, it was great. Now about your next program," the producer said.

"I have just gotten off of zis one!" Sigmund protested. "Be gone und speak to me later. Shoo, shoo."

"That's show biz, Siggy kiddo. I'm thinking big grand finale, levitating something. Something big, something huge, something…" the producer began.

"Ugh, you push und push und push but vill not get vhen you are not vanted. Go now und leave me alone. I vant to take a nap," Sigmund brushed off, waving his hand in annoyance.

"We're not playing anymore, Sigmund. You'll work on this set and this trick until you can hardly walk straight. This needs to be perfect. You'll work without sleep if you have to," the producer insisted. Sigmund snapped his fingers, eyes narrowing, and the man was gone from his presence.

FBaCC

Sigmund yawned. Annoying, as always. He looked around the dressing room and sifted through some new mail that had rolled in, eyes boredly scanning for something interesting to do besides read all the fan mail and invites and what not. All at once he paused and sat up straight, eyes becoming intrigued. "Vell, vell, vhat have ve here?" he questioned aloud, coming to a newsletter from Milkweed. An exchange program to the elementary school in Galaxy Hills… Galaxy Hills? Kyle was there. His eyes lit up. Now it held his attention. Try something new, join the student exchange program, you didn't even have to have someone come in your place. You could just go over. Hmm, maybe this was the answer to his boredom. Not like Milkweed could teach him anything he didn't already know, after all.

Just then the door opened and a familiar voice said, "Ah Mr. Sigmund. I trust you've found the newsletter." Professor Flan.

Sigmund turned curiously and answered, "Professor Flan?" To say he was shocked at the man's sudden appearance would be an understatement. He stared at him eyes wide. Hadn't Kyle turned him into a raspberry _flan_?

"Of course, my boy. I had hoped you would find that, you know. I also hope you've decided to give it a whirl," Flan declared.

"Vhy?" Sigmund questioned confusedly.

"To keep an eye on someone for me, you being on the Young Wizards Board and Re-admittance board and all," Flan answered.

Sigmund smirked coldly as he asked, "Kyle ze Constipator?"

"Conjurer, Sigmund, let's be civil here," Flan said, frowning. "But yes."

"Hey, that's great, it'll work out perfectly! Galaxy Hills is the base of our next shooting!" the producer suddenly exclaimed, appearing behind Flan. Sigmund frowned once more and crossed his arms, rolling his eyes and looking away. "Sigmund, you're not gonna pass up a golden opportunity like that, are you?"

They were challenging him, he knew. He wasn't impressed. "Oh shut up ze both of you. Ve vill see!" he sharply said, snapping his fingers and transporting them both out. He locked the door behind and turned back to the poster mulling the idea over. Finally he chuckled and smirked coldly. Perhaps he would go through with it after all. Oh, Kyle wouldn't know what hit him.

FBaCC

"Remind me again why I'm going with you two?" Kyle questioned in annoyance as he trailed behind Fanboy and Chum Chum.

"Because you're our bestest friend, Kyle," Chum Chum replied, taking Kyle's hand and batting his eyelashes up at the wizard.

"Yeah, and that's what friends do. Stuff," Fanboy agreed. Kyle pulled free of Chum Chum's hand and rolled his eyes, not gracing the statements with a reply.

"Ugh, I have so many better things I could be doing right now," Kyle complained.

"Better than hanging out with your best friends?" Chum Chum asked as he and Fanboy put their arms around Kyle.

"Far," Kyle replied, unimpressed. Nonetheless, he continued to follow them. "Where are we going anyway?" he questioned.

"To the roof," Fanboy replied.

"The roof? Whatever for?" Kyle questioned.

"Where else can we show you the cool new super dance we came up with?" Chum Chum questioned.

"Right. With Janitor Poopatine and Mr. Mufflin stalking the halls for some reason, we certainly wouldn't be able to show you in the _school_," Fanboy replied.

"Why on Earth would I be the slightest bit interested in your stupid 'super dance?'" Kyle demanded. "I thought you actually had something interesting to show me."

"We do. The dance," Chum Chum answered.

Kyle sighed, saying, "I suppose I deserve it for walking right into that one."

"You bet," Fanboy and Chum Chum hyperactively said together, brimming over with excitement.

FBaCC

"You three!" two voices shot together. The three froze with gasps and whirled.

"Mr. Mufflin, Janitor Poopatine!" the triad exclaimed together.

"And where do you boys think you're going?" Mr. Mufflin questioned.

"We're going to the roof!" Chum Chum exclaimed.

Fanboy covered his mouth quickly, saying, "Uh, what Chum Chum means to say is we're going to the, um, soup, uh, kitchen."

"Soup kitchen huh?" Mufflin asked as he and Poopatine exchanged incredulous looks.

"Oh yes, compared to the school cafeteria the soup kitchen is a five star buffet," Kyle said sardonically.

After a moment's suspicion, Poopatine remarked with a shrug, "The boy has a point. I should know. I clean that place."

"Well as long as you're back in time for classes," Mufflin declared.

"Yes sirs!" the three exclaimed. Instantly they bolted.

"I wonder why those two are suddenly so into the whole hall monitoring thing," Fanboy remarked.

"I haven't a clue," Kyle sarcastically said, inwardly scoffing. He knew full well why. These two super hero wannabes were a walking disaster area. He wondered at how the two faculty members hadn't become fed up with them _long_ before now. If _he_ were a teacher, he would have chained the dynamic duo to their desks and taped their mouths long ago. Better yet, trapped them behind a brick wall for a more Poe-esque touch.

FBaCC

The boys burst onto the roof panting. They straightened up and Kyle went to the edge boredly looking over. Turning back to them he said, "All right, show me your stupid little dance already. Before we're late for class, preferably."

"Right! Ready Chum Chum?" Fanboy asked.

"Ready!" Chum Chum agreed. The two instantly began randomly singing words Kyle couldn't find had any clear direction other than being incredibly loud and obnoxious. He twitched and decided against scowling and covering his ears. Not like it would make any difference at all. Their dance lacked any semblance of order yet somehow they managed not to slam into each other and give him a good reason to taunt them. Sad how proud they were of it.

Kyle sighed in annoyance. Depressing, really, that these two were the only things remotely close to friends he had. Heck, with friends like them, who needed _enemies_? He had to admit, though, he _did_ enjoy their company. Sometimes. The two finished their dance with some sort of improvised head spin twirl kick thingy. Unfortunately, he was right in its path, and Fanboy's foot struck him hard. He stumbled back towards the edge with a gasp!

At the edge he gasped again, staggering, trying to catch his balance. For a moment he had it and sighed in relief. Then Chum Chum was tossed into him and he flew over the edge of the school crying out in terror! "Help!" he screamed. Oh just his luck. Leave it to Fanboy and Chum Chum to cause him to either break every bone in his body or die and early death. He wasn't honestly too surprised, actually. He hoped it was death. He wasn't a fan of pain. Pain didn't work for him.

"Kyle!" Fanboy and Chum Chum exclaimed in alarm, gasping and leaping for the edge to look over in horror.

FBaCC

Inside Janitor Poopatine, who had just separated from Mufflin in order to clean the halls while Mufflin got coffee, heard a scream and raised an eyebrow, suspiciously looking over at the window. He went to it and looked out. He gasped on seeing that wizard boy in Mr. Mufflin's class, Kyle he believed it was, toppling down! What was he even _doing_ up there? He supposed he should do something about it. After all, he wasn't about to clean up _that_ mess. He threw open the window, and as the child plummeted passed him he quickly reached out and seized the boy's hand. "I've got you. Stop screaming!" Poopatine ordered.

Kyle gulped and looked up with wide hopeful eyes. "Janitor Poopatine! You saved me!" he exclaimed. The janitor pulled him up to the window and inside.

"Kyle!" Fanboy called.

"Kyle, are you all right!" Chum Chum added.

"You two, get to class! He's fine!" Poopatine called back up to them, looking out the window. Loudly he slammed it shut, signalling that playtime was over.

"I'm alive!" Kyle exclaimed, suddenly leaping onto the janitor and hugging him tightly, laughing in relief. Poopatine, startled at first, frowned and shoved the wizard down. "I'm alive. I lived! I can continue on the path of life!"

"May the force be with you then. Now get out of my way," Poopatine directed, climbing back onto Brenda and harrumphing.

"Wait!" Kyle exclaimed. Poopatine scowled at him, waiting. "Um, thank you sir," Kyle continued.

"But of course. _I_ wasn't about to clean up that mess. Now get to class," Poopatine answered. With that he drove off, Kyle watching after him in awed disbelief.

FBaCC

Poopatine rounded the corner and nearly ran into Mufflin. Luckily Brenda stopped in time as Poopatine gasped. Mufflin never flinched. "There you are," Mufflin said.

"Incident with a student," Poopatine answered. "One of your little brats was plummeting from the roof."

"Fanboy, Chum Chum or Suck-up?" Mufflin questioned as they started walking. Rather, Mufflin walked, Poopatine rode Brenda.

"Suck up, I mean Kyle," Poopatine answered.

"Figures. That boy has no luck," Muffling remarked. "Didja hear about the exchange program?"

"Unfortunately. A waste of time and money, as far as I'm concerned," Poopatine said. "Includes young adults as well, doesn't it?"

"Why someone would want to come back to the elementary school is beyond me," Mufflin replied.

"Learning opportunity for them perhaps? Without practicum stresses," Poopatine offered.

"Probably," Mufflin agreed. "Sign up sheet's by the main office."

"Tell it to someone who cares," Poopatine replied. As they passed they looked, and both froze with gasps, Mufflin dropping his coffee.

There was silence, then Mufflin said, "Didn't you say you didn't care?"

"I did!" Poopatine exclaimed.

"Then why is your name on the sheet?" Mufflin asked.

"I haven't the faintest idea!" Poopatine shot, tone getting outraged.

All at once Brenda began to beep. Poopatine gasped and looked down at her in horror. "What's it saying?" Mufflin questioned.

"Brenda, you didn't!" Poopatine exclaimed. "She says _she_ was the one who signed me up!" The chair beeped more and Poopatine began, "But Brenda…" She beeped more and he said, "You thought it would be an interesting experience? It won't! And what's this? Milkweed! Are you insane? I already have _one_ wizard to clean up after let alone another!" Brenda beeped sadly. "Yes, dear Brenda, I understand it must be difficult for you to unleash your motherly instincts as a mechanical chair…" She beeped again. "Brenda, I'm just not into it," he insisted. One long drawn out beep and he sighed, saying, "Very well. You win this time."

Mufflin watched the exchange in morbid fascination. It was seriously weirding him out, and it was disturbing to say the least. "All right then. Now that that's done…" he began.

Poopatine reached out and grabbed the retreating teacher's arm, saying, "Not so fast Hank. If I'm going to be stuck in this predicament, _you'll_ be stuck _with_ me."

"Russ, you've lost your mind," Mufflin declared. "I'm not about to…"

Brenda lifted him into the air, and Poopatine growled menacingly, as one of her claws turned into a sharp point, "You were saying."

Mufflin blinked then grabbed the pencil and quickly signed for an intern, saying, "There, happy now?"

"Very," Poopatine said with a pleased smirk. With that he placed the teacher down.

"Good, cause I'm not. Now let's get to work," Mufflin said. With that the two separated.

FBaCC

"Kyle!" Chum Chum and Fanboy exclaimed, bursting into the class room and latching onto him like leeches.

"We were afraid you would be nothing but a splat on the ground!" Chum Chum exclaimed.

"But you're alive!" Fanboy cried.

"Will you two get off of me!" Kyle barked, viciously shoving them down. "Of course I'm all right. Janitor Poopatine rescued me."

"Poop," Chum Chum chimed.

"Wait, _he_ saved you? Wow, the guy must be quicker than I thought," Fanboy remarked.

"Quite," Kyle said, disinterested and turning back to his book.

"Are you gonna thank him?" Chum Chum asked.

"I already did," Kyle said.

"No silly, with a present," Chum Chum added.

"Of course not. What am I, indebted to him? It's his _job_ to make sure students are safe," Kyle answered.

"Kyle, he saved your life," Fanboy declared.

"So I'll zap the school clean for him," Kyle bit.

"Ooh, I know, give him a father's day present!" Chum Chum exclaimed.

"It's not even _close_ to father's day," Kyle retorted. "Besides, I have no father." Lie.

"All the more reason to," Fanboy pressed.

"Sit down and pipe down!" Mr. Mufflin shot from the front as he came in. Fanboy and Chum Chum blinked at the teacher, then quickly moved back to their desks. Kyle rolled his eyes. His expression, though, became ponderous.

FBaCC

Lenny leaned on the countertop boredly, flipping through a magazine. Boog was late… again. Nothing out of the ordinary there. He sighed dismally. At least the costumed weirdos hadn't come in yet. As if _that_ would last long. Soon enough school would be over and they would flock here. "Hey Lenny!" Boog called, loudly throwing open the door.

Lenny looked up, annoyed, and said, "About time. Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Yeah, it's time ta get ma game on with Chimp Chomp," Boog answered. "Poster for ya in the mail." He tossed it onto the counter nonchalantly, adding, "Somethin' 'bout some program for interns and stuff to Galaxy Hills' elementary school."

"Really? _That's_ new," Lenny remarked, curiously picking it up and glancing through. "You get paid for it!" he exclaimed, reading through. "Work under a teacher of Galaxy Hills, said teacher will be your mentor, not time consuming, flexible, money, jackpot! Finally a break!" Lenny exclaimed excitedly. "I can finally get _out_ of this place!"

"Hey, keep it down! I'm chimping over here!" Boog ordered.

Lenny frowned then grinned at the paper excitedly. "Oh boy, sign me up," he said aloud. He was _so_ getting into this opportunity.

"Chomping here!" Boog shot again. Lenny scowled at his employee but said nothing more on the subject. He smiled once more at the newsletter.


	2. The Faculty's Apprentice

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: Might put up two chapters today. Feel free to review for each one, though. I like long reviews, that's for sure.)

The Faculty's Apprentice

Janitor Poopatine threw his cleaning supplies onto Brenda with a heavy sigh after the dismissal bell rang. Just then the janitor's closet door was knocked on. He looked curiously back and frowned. He opened the door asking in a tone that clearly conveyed his annoyance, "May I help you?"

"Um, Janitor Poopatine, I was wondering if you needed any help?" Kyle timidly asked, recoiling at tone.

Janitor Poopatine raised an eyebrow and asked, "Is there a reason for this?"

"I just wanted to thank you for saving me," Kyle answered innocently grinning.

Poopatine looked at him a moment then shrugged, replying, "You already did."

"Yes, but it didn't seem like quite enough," Kyle said. "After all, you _did_ save my life."

Poopatine mulled it over a moment then shrugged, saying, "Why not?"

"Oh goodie," Kyle said, brightening slightly and grabbing a broom. "Any chance of my using magic?" he questioned, disdainfully looking at the broom.

"Unless you're one hundred percent sure it will work and nothing will screw it up, no," Poopatine answered.

"Oh I'm quite positive!" Kyle exclaimed.

Poopatine looked doubtful but then shrugged, answering, "I suppose one learns from their mistakes."

"Zing!" Kyle exclaimed, drawing his wand and zapping the cleaning supplies. Poopatine tensed a moment, backing away, then forced himself to relax as they came alive and waltzed out into the hallway at Kyle's command. "Watch this. _I'm_ practically a _professional_," Kyle boasted, racing out into the hallway, Poopatine following closely, mouth dropped as he watched the supplies cleaning the hallway. It was uncanny how effortlessly the child was controlling them.

All at once the broom paused and looked back at them. It turned to the trophy case, wound up, and struck, shattering it! Kyle gasped. "I suppose that was part of the spell too?" Poopatine said, eyes narrowing dangerously. All right, he had stopped being impressed now.

"Um, no, actually," Kyle admitted. "That wasn't supposed to happen."

"Kyle," Poopatine growled in warning.

"I'm sure it's just a glitch!" Kyle defended. "I couldn't possibly have screwed it up. That's what Fanboy and Chum Chum are for! Your broom's just being rebellious! You there, clean that up!" Kyle ordered it. On the command everything froze. Instantly Kyle felt he'd just made a grievous error. The cleaning supplies stopped and looked towards the janitor and student. In the blink of an eye they had surrounded the duo. "Um, or not?" Kyle said, feeling suddenly smothered by the items.

"Run," Poopatine tersely declared. With that the two turned and fled, screaming. The cleaning supplies tore after them.

FBaCC

"How is this possible? Your things are defective!" Kyle accused.

"I should be offended, except this time I have no choice but to agree," Poopatine replied, looking back at them. "They listen to one master, boy, and I have taught them well. Unfortunately, it was you, young padewan, to raise them up to _your_ bidding."

"Well thanks for the heads up!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Down here!" Poopatine ordered, grabbing the wizard's arm and pulling him into a classroom. They ducked low beneath the window panting, waiting for the army to pass them. It became silent, and the two sighed in relief, standing up.

"That was too close for comfort," Kyle remarked, brushing off his clothes along with the janitor.

Poopatine heard a rattle, though, and looked up and ahead sharply. He gasped and grabbed the boy's shoulder, pointing. Kyle looked over and paled. "Chemical cleaning products," Poopatine said.

"But they're the science labs, aren't they?" Kyle tensely questioned.

"Who do you think the science lab got them from?" Poopatine asked. The chemical products flipped their lids, literally, and shot towards the duo. They screamed and bolted out, slamming the door, but the chemicals shattered the window giving chase!

"Where do we go?" Kyle asked.

"I don't know," Poopatine replied gravely, looking around for anywhere to hide.

"Janitor Poopatine, a dead end!" Kyle exclaimed, pointing ahead. The man looked and gasped, both sliding to a stop. Quickly they turned. The products were conveying on their locale! "Oh rot," Kyle moaned, raising his wand defensively.

Poopatine cried out in alarm as they lunged. He suddenly seized the wand from Kyle, pointing and ordering, "Prohibere!"

"Janitor Poopatine…!" Kyle began to protest. Just then, however, the supplies froze centimeters from them. "They-they listen to you," he continued in shock.

"Inanimatis!" Poopatine ordered, zapping them. Instantly they stopped moving and fell to the ground inanimate. Hearts pounding out of their chests the duo stared. Finally Poopatine handed the wand back to Kyle. Kyle cringed, bracing himself for the janitor's fury. To his shock, however, all Poopatine said was, "At least they did what they were meant for, cleaned the place."

"You mean you're not angry with me?" Kyle asked in shock, looking up in disbelief.

"Everyone makes mistakes, boy, and this time I was partly to blame. Luckily I knew the Latin words for stop and inanimate. I trust much of your spells are in Latin?" Poopatine replied unconcernedly, waving his hand. He checked his watch and said, "It's getting late, child. Your parents will be getting worried. Go home now. I'll take it from here."

Kyle scoffed and replied, "What parents?"

Poopatine looked curiously at him and asked, "You have parent's, don't you?"

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't," Kyle vaguely answered. Quickly bringing the conversation to a close he said, "Goodnight and goodbye sir. Thank you again."

"Yes, goodnight," Poopatine suspiciously said, watching after the boy curiously.

FBaCC

Kyle transported to his mailbox and opened it, peering inside. "Junk, junk, junk, what's this?" he wondered as he flipped through the contents. He paused at a letter and read the front. He gasped on seeing the return address and tore it open. Milkweed Academy! He quickly scanned through. "My application has been accepted! Yes!" Kyle cheered as he read. All at once, with a gasp that smile fell. "Oh dear." He read it over again. It hadn't been finalized? There were a set of things he needed to do before it could be confirmed? Oh whatever was he going to do? Professor Flan wanted to meet his family! The man should _know_ he lived alone! All at once the answer hit him. Why, this was probably some cruel trick to rub Milkweed in his face. Well he'd show that old fool. He wouldn't stand for this! The question was how? He had no clue. He went up to his room and flopped onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. Maybe the answer would come to him after a good night's sleep.

FBaCC

Lenny held his head and tried to keep his stress twitch under control as Fanboy and Chum Chum leapt around the store grabbing everything and anything they could get their hands on. Why him? Why all the time him? Boog couldn't care less. He was talking video game talk with Oz, who had come in with the boys. The conversation would have included him, which would have been nice even though he wasn't much of a gamer, but with all this going on he couldn't focus on their conversation. He groaned. He needed an aspirin or something. Heck with aspirin. He needed a break. Their voices were embedded in his mind, their images swirling round and round. He was going stir crazy here! All at once he screamed, and everything in the store stopped as the four other occupants paused to look at him.

"That's it, I can't take it anymore!" Lenny yelled.

"Lenny, dude, you need a break, seriously," Oz said.

"You're right. You're so right! Boog, you're taking over! I'm out of here!" Lenny exclaimed. Before anyone could say anything else, Lenny had darted outside. Boog and Oz exchanged looks then went back to talking. Boog couldn't care less about the store.

Greedily Lenny gulped in the fresh air and savored the quiet. Thank goodness it was a lazy evening. He sighed deeply and leaned against the wall of the Frosty Mart. "What's wrong with _you_?" a voice questioned. Lenny looked up curiously only to see Mr. Mufflin. He recognized him as his elementary school teacher. A likeminded individual, in some ways, they'd always gotten along well. He'd been a sort of father figure to him, once upon a time. Things had been going on and, well, enough said. He'd quickly become teacher's pet, _that_ was for sure. He'd had his share of problems with bullies, but when Mufflin was around they weren't stupid enough to try anything. Mufflin usually didn't care one way or another, but then there were advantages to being the teacher's favorite.

He smiled and said, "Mr. Mufflin, how have you been? I haven't seen you for years."

"Meh, getting by," Mufflin answered with a smirk, shrugging. Frowning again he added, "Now what's wrong with you, Lenny?"

"If you must know, I'm on the verge of going insane because the caped crusaders in there are off the walls," Lenny answered, jerking his thumb at the window.

"The talking raccoon and purple kid?" Mufflin more stated than questioned, watching his students leaping from shelf to shelf.

"Fanboy and Chum Chum, yeah," Lenny said, sighing again.

"Lenny, be thankful you only put up with them for a few hours. _I'm_ stuck with them all _day_," Mufflin declared. "I just came here for a cup of coffee. So much for that."

"I'll ring you through pop. Boog certainly won't be bothered," Lenny said, walking inside with Mufflin.

"Lenny, Mr. Mufflin!" Fanboy and Chum Chum exclaimed.

"Ignore," Mufflin warned sympathetically, noticing Lenny beginning to twitch. Lenny nodded meekly, obeying the order. At least Mr. Mufflin was serving as a buffer between him and them. A pity he was only here for a while.

"Here's your coffee Mr. Mufflin," Lenny said.

"Thank you muchly," Mufflin replied, taking it as he watched his two students playing their random games. He looked back at Lenny and noticed the defeated look. For once in a blue moon his expression softened. He felt empathy for the young man. Putting a hand on his shoulder he said, "I'll tell ya what to do. Close up the shop for a few days and take a break. You look like you need it."

"That would set us back," Lenny protested.

"Better a slight slump than a permanent health condition," Mufflin replied.

Lenny straightened up, saying, "You know, you're right. I'll do it! Everyone, the store is closed!" Everything froze as if the worst thing on Earth had been said.

FBaCC

Fanboy and Chum Chum gasped, paling. "C-c-closed?" Chum Chum asked.

"You heard me, closed!" Lenny repeated.

"Noooo!" the two boys exclaimed, falling to their knees.

"Oz, Oz, you've gotta do something, talk him down, please!" Fanboy begged as he and Chum Chum clung to Oz's legs.

"Frosty Mart can't close now!" Chum Chum agreed.

"Easy little dudes. Tell you what, you can come over and play with the toys in my shop for a bit. How about that?" Oz said, compromising.

The two sniffed and Fanboy asked, "Y-you mean it?"

"Don't I always take care of my boys?" Oz questioned.

"All right Oz!" Chum Chum cheered.

"You're the best father figure we could ask for!" Fanboy chimed.

"Uh, Fanboy, since when is he our father figure?" Chum Chum questioned.

"Who cares?" Fanboy replied. They latched onto him as he walked out.

"Aw great, now I've gotta go to the arcade. Whatever. See ya Lenny," Boog said, hanging up the hat and walking out.

FBaCC

Left alone, Lenny beamed at Mufflin saying, "Thanks Mr. Mufflin. You're a life saver. Tomorrow afternoon I'll close it up for a few days."

"I do what I can," Mufflin answered, smirking.

"You were so right. This already feels a thousand times better," Lenny agreed. Mufflin ruffled his hair playfully then waved, walking out. He'd always liked that boy when he was in his class. He reminded him of himself; uncaring, bored, and counting down the days until graduation, or in _his_ case, retirement. He was comfortable enough with that one. He certainly wouldn't have gone out of his way for anyone else.

"Hey Mr. Mufflin!" Lenny called. Mufflin paused. "I hope I get you as my mentor for the intern thing."

"You signed up?" he asked.

"It was better than being bored _here_," Lenny answered.

"Well, it'll certainly be an experience," Mufflin replied. "Purple kid and the talking raccoon might actually be endurable between us two." Lenny realized full well that Mufflin really _would_ probably be the only teacher who he'd ever risk teaming up with against the two costumed weirdoes. He was the only one he'd trust to actually help him _handle_ them, _that_ was for sure.


	3. Run Kyle Run!

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: Second up today. Kyle's angered Boog, and Boog is in a bopping mood. Will he get away, and if he does he has another problem. How will he trick Flan? He's made rash decisions before, but how will _this_ one work out?)

Run Kyle Run!

Kyle sighed depressingly as he walked towards the school. So much for a solution presenting itself to him overnight. He still had nothing, and he was in a bad, _bad_ mood because of it. Bad didn't _begin_ to describe it. As long as no one crossed him, as long as nothing bad happened or nothing went wrong, the world would keep living. He took a deep breath and paused in front of Frosty Mart. Perhaps he could get something from here for breakfast. He shrugged. Why not? He opened the door and walked around the store. "Welcome to Frosty Mart, blah, blah, what do you want?" the one behind the counter asked. He believed the name was Lenny.

"Bad day?" Kyle questioned.

"I wish I had a machete, but I don't, so the world will keep on living," Lenny confirmed.

"Oh splendid, I'm not the only one," Kyle remarked. Lenny wryly smirked. He couldn't wait for the afternoon, but at least someone else was having a rough time.

"Hey Lenny, the machine's not workin'!" Boog called, banging the Chimp Chomp machine.

"Will you quit bopping it? I'm coming," Lenny called over, annoyed.

"Looking at you I should say video gaming is the _last_ thing you should be bothered doing," Kyle insulted Boog

FBaCC

On hearing this, Boog turned, growling, then replied, "You talkin' ta me cape boy?"

"Well I don't see any _other_ gorilla human hybrid waltzing around free of the circus," Kyle bit.

"I don't know what ya just said, but it sounded insultin'. Maybe I should deal wit you personally, huh?" Boog questioned, growling and menacingly moving towards Kyle, who Lenny realized with an alarmed jolt wasn't even looking Boog's way, back turned on the guy. Oh this kid had a death wish!

"Hey kid, Kyle!" Lenny called in an attempt to direct Kyle's attention in Boog's direction.

Kyle raised an eyebrow and turned, mildly annoyed. Annoyance fell to fear, however, when he found the bully glaring down at him, nostrils flaring, knuckles cracking. He stared, mouth agape, then quickly recovered, stepping back. "I say, doesn't anyone get any personal space anymore?" Kyle questioned, though fear was obvious in his tone. He well remembered the last beating he'd gotten from Boog. No amount of magic had helped him _then_. Curse Fanboy and Chum Chum. Though to be fair they _had_ desperately tried to help him. Boog had, by some miracle he still couldn't pinpoint, outsmarted them that time, though.

"I'm gonna bop you so hard you're gonna go inta orbit," Boog threatened.

"If you're so interested in space, why don't you go see it for yourself?" Kyle questioned, smirking coldly and drawing his wand. Before he could do anything, however, Boog had grabbed him from the ground and tossed him out the front doors, Kyle screaming. He slid across the sidewalk then shook it off, gasping and looking up. Boog was barrelling down on him! He supposed he could attempt to use magic, but the jerk was far too close now, and his wand, he was horrified to see, was broken! He must have snapped it on the landing! He leapt up with a cry of alarm and raced towards the school, Boog hot on his tail. "Help me!" Kyle called desperately, not that anyone _would_. Not with _his_ luck. Lenny raced out and watched after them helplessly. No way would he catch up to them. Oh well, not his business. He shrugged it off and re-entered the store. He did feel bad for the kid, though. Here's hoping he made it somewhere safe.

FBaCC

Kyle kept running. Wait, there was the school! His eyes widened hopefully. If he could just beat Boog inside! Better yet, if he could just get far enough ahead that he would have time to conjure up some sort of spell that didn't require the wand then turn it on his pursuer. Boog, though, was moving on pure adrenaline and fury and gaining now that they were closer to his intended victim being safe inside where the attacker couldn't get him.

Boog pounced with a battle cry, landing in front of Kyle just before he reached the school. Kyle screeched to a halt with a horrified gasp. Boog punched at him. Not happening! Kyle bent backwards, dodging, then darted to the left, racing towards the corner of the school, hoping he could disappear around it and hide somewhere.

He turned. There was a shed! He grinned excitedly and raced for it. He grabbed the door and pulled! It didn't open. It wasn't opening! He gasped and desperately struggled with it. "No!" he exclaimed. "This simply cannot be happening now!"

He looked back and saw Boog's shadow appearing. He was about to come around the corner and spot him, and Kyle was trapped like a dog! He swallowed and closed his eyes tightly, crouching down. "I'm commin' ta get ya, pest. You ain't gonna know up from down when I'm through wit' you," Boog's voice threatened. Oh please let death come quickly.

FBaCC

All at once he heard the door of the shed click open. A hand grabbed his cape, yanking him inside then slamming the door. He gasped and spun around, eyes wide and hopeful. "Janitor Poopatine!" he exclaimed on seeing the man in the shed frowning down on him.

"You can't stay out of trouble, can you?" Poopatine questioned.

"On the contrary, I'm quite good at staying out of trouble. This just, err, hasn't been my week," Kyle lamely excused, grinning innocently.

The door began to be shook as if someone was trying to get in. "I know you're in there Kyle. Come out and fight like a man!" Boog called.

"Oh dear, he's going to get me," Kyle hoarsely whispered.

"With _this_ school janitor standing by you? Unlikely," Poopatine replied. "What did you do to incite his wrath, boy?"

"I, um, insulted him and his video game," Kyle sheepishly admitted. "Then I sort of, talked back and threatened to send him into space."

"You didn't follow through?" Poopatine questioned.

"I had no time for any other type of spell or magic, and my Necronomicon is at home sick. Besides, he destroyed my wand! See, it's snapped practically in half!" Kyle exclaimed, revealing the broken thing.

Poopatine took the stick and scrutinized it. "So it is. No worry's, child, I'll have it fixed in a moment," Poopatine declared, going to a shelf and pulling out some supplies.

"I hardly think you _shall_," Kyle replied.

Poopatine said nothing a moment, then suddenly declared, "There. Good as new."

He handed the wand back. Kyle gasped and demanded, "How did you…?"

"Janitor's secret," Poopatine replied.

FBaCC

Kyle waved it about, testing it, then sat on a crate with a heavy sigh. "I suppose I shall have to wait until it regains its power. This is not my week."

"You've said that already. Elaborate," Poopatine replied, sitting on Brenda.

"Well, first there's the near death experience on the roof, there was the whole Boog fiasco, plus this week in general has just been disaster after disaster, and as it turns out I just can't catch a break. I thought it would be all good. You see, I finally got everything signed, my application accepted back to Milkweed, but just last night a letter came saying how Professor Flan wants to meet my family before he reviews it the final time and gives me whatever else needs to be done. _What_ family? He _knows_ I live alone."

"You're an orphan, boy?" Poopatine questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"I live without parents, if that's what you mean," Kyle grumbled. "The only reason I've managed is because I'm a wizard."

"No child should have to fend for himself. That's what _parents_ are for," Poopatine remarked.

"I _know_," Kyle answered in exasperation, quickly brushing the remark off. He sighed in frustration, then the figurative light bulb went off and he straightened up, looking at Poopatine. "Wait a moment…" That was it. The idea he'd been searching for! He'd found the solution!

Poopatine started and blinked. Frowning suspiciously he entwined his hands together in front of him and questioned, "Where are you going with this Kyle?"

"You! _You_ are the solution to my dilemma!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Explain," Poopatine prompted.

"You can be my _father_!" Kyle excitedly said. "Of course Professor Flan would expect you to be a mage, and you _are_ older than most of the others' father's, but that shant be a problem. Some people have children quite late in life! I can teach you enough tricks to cover for the meeting at the school and the dinner visit at least! You're not completely over the hill yet!" Brenda beeped excitedly. Poopatine shot her a look and ignored.

"Do I have a say in this?" the janitor questioned, turning back to Kyle.

Kyle blinked then fell to his hands and knees begging, "Oh please, please Janitor Poopatine! You simply cannot imagine how important this _is_ to me! It may well be my last chance at remittance to Milkweed Academy!"

"Somehow I doubt that highly," Poopatine replied. "You're a clever boy, smart and resourceful. The force is strong with you. You'll worm your way in yet."

"Mr. Poopatine…" Kyle began to protest.

"Hush child, I didn't say I refused," Poopatine declared with a role of his eyes.

FBaCC

Before Poopatine could blink, Kyle had launched himself into his arms crying, "Oh thank you sir, thank you, thank you, thank you! You can't imagine how thrilled I am!"

"Get off," Poopatine growled, shoving him down. "Now when is this school visit and where do you live?"

"Visit? Oh yes. The meeting at the school is tomorrow night, the dinner the following evening. That doesn't leave much time for me to teach you anything, I suppose. With _my_ luck you're probably a slow learner," Kyle mused aloud. Poopatine rolled his eyes. "Oh we simply must get started immediately!"

"Not until after school," Poopatine warned.

"But…" the wizard began.

"If I'm to play your father, I might as well get into the role. No buts young man. You are not going to skip school," he declared. "When it ends, come find me. You can stay either in my 'office' or tag along as I clean up. Afterwards you can show me where you live and get started on whatever little training session you have planned. Absolutely _no_ magic on my cleaning supplies; even if it's to speed things up. Not under _any_ circumstance. The first time was enough."

"Who do you think I am; the sorcerer's apprentice?" Kyle asked, slightly offended. "Besides, it wasn't entirely my _fault_."

"A child is a child, boy, and stubbornness and determination can only end badly. I get the feeling you're not one to let a bunch of cleaning supplies walk all over you. Tell me truthfully you weren't thinking about breaking them and forcing them to your will," Poopatine answered, going to the window in the door and peeking out.

"Well, um, oh rot," Kyle complained, folding his arms in annoyance. Poopatine had nailed it.

The Janitor chuckled then declared, "Boog is gone. You'd best race off to school while you still have a chance."

"Can't _you_ accompany me?" Kyle asked, nervous once more. He knew full well how much he'd upset the bully.

"Why not? It's not like I have a life," Poopatine relented, opening the door and walking out, Kyle following.

FBaCC

All at once they heard a battle cry and gasped, whirling. Boog had sprung from the shadow of the shed, stick held over his head ready to bring down on Kyle! He froze with an alarmed cry, however, on seeing Janitor Poopatine move quickly in front of the boy viciously scowling, eyes blazing. Kyle cowered behind him shaking, eyes wide. "Uh, hey ya Janitor Poopatine. How's it been?" Boog stammered, quickly hiding the stick and grinning innocently.

"Boogregard," Poopatine growled, recovering and scowling viciously, fists clenched.

"Uh, gotta go!" Boog exclaimed, turning tail and fleeing.

As he left, Poopatine turned to Kyle and said, "You couldn't have used magic?"

"Not on _that_ short of notice!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Your reflexes need to improve, my boy," Poopatine declared. Kyle retested the wand. Full power. Good. Next time he'd be ready. He sheepishly grinned up at the Janitor. Poopatine shook his head and walked the boy into the school.


	4. Wizardry 101

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: Kyle's dragged Poopatine into his scheme and the janitor is still unsure of how he let himself be pulled into it. However, he's committed to it now. So will Kyle be able to teach him anything? Simple answer, Poopatine isn't as slow of a learner as he thinks. In fact, he doesn't even know the magnitude of the truth in that statement.)

Wizardry 101

Kyle made his way to the janitor's closet and knocked. Poopatine opened the door and gestured for Kyle to enter. "Make yourself at home in the Dump Star. There are books, sodas, and whatnot lying about it. Enough for you to entertain yourself while I clean. No magic," Poopatine simply greeted.

"Yes sir," Kyle reluctantly agreed with a pout, climbing into the Dump Star and to the top. Poopatine followed. Kyle skimmed the books and picked up one that looked like a classic. He sat back and began to vaguely flip through it. "_The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe_, hmm? Intriguing," he remarked. He grabbed a soda and began to sip as Janitor Poopatine got the Dump Star rolling. "Ooh, _The Snow Queen_ too," Kyle added, looking around in pleasant surprise at the selection. Well, there were some that had nothing to do with his kind, such as Janitor stories and manuals and whatnot, but most were right up his ally. _Lord of the Rings_, _The Hobbit_, the _Harry Potter_ series. He was unsure if he should be offended or not at _that_ one, but beggars couldn't be choosers. Besides, they were all owned by the Janitor. None had come from the library. He wondered what possessed Poopatine to have such an odd collection. Oh, and there was _The Sorcerer's Apprentice_. Really now.

Kyle raised his eyebrow suspiciously at the Janitor's turned back. Something was up. As if sensing the gaze, Poopatine defended, "I went through a phase, okay?

"Janitors, spells, and other such things, oh my," Kyle remarked, picking up _The Wizard of Oz_.

"If you want them you can have them. I've finished each one. Except for _The Sorcerer's Apprentice_ and _The Snow Queen_, which I intend to keep, they're all fair game," Poopatine said, shrugging indifferently.

"Really?" Kyle asked excitedly.

"I have no use for them," the janitor replied.

"Oh goody," Kyle replied, turning back to his book and sighing contentedly as the Janitor cleaned up the school. He supposed he felt guilty for not helping, but last time he'd tried it hadn't ended well. He'd repay him for everything eventually, he promised himself. Poopatine had been nothing if not tolerant and cordial to him. Quite a leap for the creepy and cruel janitor to waist his breath on _him_.

FBaCC

"Finally," Poopatine remarked as the two walked out of the school together and headed towards the shed where 'Brenda' was.

"I say, do all Janitors work such late shifts?" Kyle asked, yawning.

"I'm the school's _only_ janitor, boy. I work long and hard," Poopatine answered.

"I daresay they should stop being so cheap and hire some extra help," Kyle remarked.

"I don't want it," Poopatine replied. "I've done too much to give up my role." He opened the shed and brought out Brenda, sitting on the robotic vehicle and starting it.

Kyle waved his wand, levitating, then said, "Now to bring you to my home so we can get started on training!"

"So late?" Poopatine questioned.

"You were the one who said we couldn't start during school hours," Kyle bit. "It isn't my problem you're paying for it now."

"You're pushing your luck, Kyle," Poopatine warned. Kyle swallowed and grinned innocently, letting it go.

FBaCC

It was dark. The wind was blowing lightly and eerie noises sounded through the night. Creaking, screams, sirens, trash cans, and the moaning of the winds through the night. The two guardedly looked around, eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Can you feel it in the air?" Kyle questioned, after they'd been walking for a time down the abandoned dark street.

"Feel what?" Poopatine questioned.

"There's a presence about," Kyle stated. "Probably pixies or the Boogeyman."

"Really now, the boogeyman is a fairy tale," Poopatine replied.

Just then the wind picked up as if angered. In the distance a wolf howled at the moon. The streetlights along the road went out and the two froze. After a moment's silence, Kyle whispered, "Don't insult him."

"This is madness," Poopatine declared. Just then they heard a dark laugh from an alley and sharply looked over. A pair of eyes glared out at them, and the moon reflected off of sharpened claws and teeth. "The imagination," Poopatine said, trying to explain the sight away.

"Janitor Poopatine, please," Kyle begged, clinging to the janitor's arm. "I don't like it here."

"Can you feel _that_?" Poopatine questioned.

"Feel what?" Kyle asked tensely.

He looked into the air and answered mysteriously, "The boogeyman will not come after us tonight, Kyle. There are other eyes watching us."

"Other eyes?" he questioned.

"Never you mind. Come along," Poopatine prompted. Kyle nodded.

FBaCC

"Here it is," Kyle declared, stopping outside a home.

"_This_?" Poopatine questioned.

"Yes. I'll admit it's a shabby dump, but it's mine," Kyle confirmed, opening the door and prompting the janitor to follow him.

They were in his living room now, and Poopatine was looking around the home curiously. It wasn't bad. Smaller than he'd expected, but not bad. Kyle came from an adjacent room saying, "Right then. Let's get started shall we?"

Poopatine looked over and replied, "Let's shall."

"This is a wand," Kyle explained slowly, handing a crooked stick like thing to Poopatine. "This is an enchanter's best friend. It is a very delicate task, using one of these. The slightest mistake could be catastrophic."

"The process looks simple enough. You wave it," Poopatine replied, gazing at the stick unimpressed.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Kyle said. He sighed, adding, "We have a lot of work to do. Stay here. I'll go get mine and clean this place up a bit before we start." Kyle quickly raced out.

Poopatine shook his head. How could children have such energy? He looked at the wand and scoffed, pointing it at a broom and zapping. "Now, my old friend, call for your fellow cleaning products and tidy this place up for your master." The broom shuddered and rose up 'looking' around. Immediately it flew over to some other products and woke them as well. The products instantly swept around the room cleaning everything they could until things were sparkling. Poopatine smugly smirked, saying, "A challenge? Hah! Not anymore you aren't." He looked down at the wand.

Just then Kyle raced in, saying, "Got it!" He slid to a halt and screamed on seeing what was going on. "What have you done!" he demanded.

"That's enough, boys, back to your spots," Poopatine ordered, clapping his hands twice. The products all turned to look at him, then Kyle, then back, and instantly obeyed the command. He zapped them again, making them inanimate. They heard a squeak and looked over. A rag was busy wiping off a table until it was sparkling. "Not a chance," Poopatine said, holding his hand towards it and grabbing thin air. Imagine Kyle's surprise when the rag struggled as if Poopatine was actually holding it in his hand! Poopatine tossed it into a bucket and zapped it with the wand.

FBaCC

"Did you just…" Kyle began, after recovering.

"Use the force? Yes. I am endowed with the janitor's force," Poopatine answered.

"How did you… you never screwed up with the wand!" Kyle exclaimed. "But how…"

"You've read _The Sorcerer's Apprentice_?" Poopatine casually questioned, swinging the wand around as like he was a gunslinger showing off with his gun.

"Of course I have. Standard issue reading for any student of Milkweed," Kyle replied.

"A favorite tale of mine growing up," Poopatine declared, blowing on the wand then tossing it to Kyle, who caught it and gaped in awe.

"B-but how could you control the items if all you ever read was that tale!" Kyle exclaimed. Probably not only that tale, seeing all the other books he'd had, but still.

"So much for taking a long time to teach me new tricks, eh boy?" Poopatine questioned, amused at the wizard's disbelief and avoiding directly answering.

"But-but this is impossible!" Kyle exclaimed. "How?"

"It is a long story. One I don't care to get into. The force is one with me, and I with it, but I chose another path, the dark path. That, of a janitor!" Poopatine declared. Kyle could only gape. "Despite that, your Professor Flan won't be disappointed, Kyle. Not this time," Poopatine replied.

"Unless of course Fanboy and Chum Chum inconveniently show up. _Again_!" Kyle remarked, shaking out of the surprise, or trying.

"Aren't they your best friends?" Poopatine questioned.

"I suppose," Kyle reluctantly admitted. "But it doesn't stop them from screwing everything up for me."

FBaCC

There was an awkward silence. Finally Poopatine cleared his throat and said, "Do you have anything else to teach?"

Kyle started and looked at him. He hesitated then answered, "I'm not sure. There are spells, chants, the Necronomicon…"

"Are you going to start then?" Poopatine questioned.

"After seeing your skills with the wand I doubt you'd _need_ any more training for just one interview," Kyle replied.

"It's just like using a feather duster," Poopatine replied, tossing the wand into the air then catching it easily.

"Hold on a moment," Kyle said. He raced to a bookshelf and grabbed out his Necronomicon. He brought it to the man and offered it, saying, "The easiest ones are on the first pages, perfect for a beginner. Try some of them out just for good measure."

Poopatine took the book and opened it. "Kyle, who is this?" the book suddenly questioned. Poopatine jumped and gasped. He slammed it shut and turned it over. On seeing Poopatine's face, however, the book _itself_ gasped. "Why it's…" it began.

Poopatine exclaimed, "It talks!"

"Necronomicon, meet Janitor Poopatine, Janitor Poopatine, Necronomicon," Kyle simply introduced.

"A pleasure?" Poopatine more questioned than anything, looking down at the book as if he'd just received the shock of a lifetime.

"A-And you," the book stammered in reply, looking completely lost.

"Well what are you waiting for, we don't have all night. Practice," Kyle insisted, opening the book again.

"Yes, practice," Poopatine replied, looking over the spell.

"Perhaps you should practice in the spare room, just in case something goes wrong," Kyle suggested, looking slightly nervous as he glanced over the spells to double check if it was a good idea to let the janitor try them.

"Nothing will happen, boy," Poopatine replied, annoyed. Nonetheless he went into the spare room. Kyle pulled out _The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe_, flopping onto the couch to wait for the Janitor's return.

FBaCC

It was around midnight when Poopatine exited the spare room, the Necronomicon sleeping. He looked shakily at the book, then went to the bookshelf and placed it in its place. The conversations they'd had… He'd rather not think on them now. It had only taken him five minutes to master the beginner spells Kyle had suggested, the rest of the time he and the book had conversed. Perhaps he'd let the thing talk for _too_ long. It knew everything, every last secret he had, and there were few. The ones he held, though, were not to get out under any circumstance, yet the book had known them all. He was glad he'd put it to sleep before it got too loud.

"Right then, if there's no more you have to show me, young master Kyle, then I should be going," Poopatine declared, looking at his watch. There was no reply, and he turned curiously. The boy was fast asleep on the couch curled into the fetal position with a teddy bear. He blinked then shook his head. He went into the spare room and took the blanket off the bed. Going back into the living room he tucked the child in. He looked down on the boy a moment longer. Strange kid, really. At least he wasn't as bad as Fanboy and Chum Chum. He shrugged then quietly flicked off the light, tiptoeing out of the house and into the pitch black streets.


	5. Milkweed Meeting's

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: Second up today.)

Milkweed Meeting's

Kyle woke up the next morning with a groan and blinked. Had he fallen asleep on the couch? He blinked on realizing there was a blanket covering him. He sat up rubbing his eyes and yawning. Strange. He didn't recall covering himself in a blanket. Wait. Janitor Poopatine had been here. Had he… Well _that_ was unexpected. He stood up and went to the bookshelf pulling out the Necronomicon. "Necronomicon, wake up!" Kyle ordered.

"Who, what, when, where, why, how?" Necronomicon asked, waking up with a jolt.

"I fell asleep. How did the janitor do with the spells?" Kyle questioned.

"He mastered them in under five minutes, first try each time," the Necronomicon replied. "Almost like he was an old hand at it."

"Under five minutes! Impossible!" Kyle exclaimed.

"For _him_?" Necronomicon asked. "Surely you're… oh, oh I see… never mind," the book finished.

"Surely I'm what?" Kyle demanded.

"It is nothing, I assure you," Necronomicon replied. "Well then, shall you be off to school? After all, the interview is tonight. You may need to go over your game plan with Poopatine."

"Did you have to remind me?" Kyle groaned. Nonetheless, he hurried out.

FBaCC

"Once again I have defeated you, graphite. You are weak. When will you learn you are no match for the dark side?" Poopatine questioned the wall, proudly putting his hands on his hips and grinning victoriously.

"Janitor Poopatine!" Kyle's voice called from behind.

Poopatine turned curiously. "Kyle?" he asked.

"The interview is tonight. Oh I'm so nervous. There are some things we need to go over," Kyle replied.

"Spells?" Poopatine questioned, unimpressed.

"No, rules, mostly, and some warnings," Kyle answered. "Rule one, don't speak to anyone in the halls unless I direct you to do so. Rule two, please do not speak to my teacher unless he speaks to you first. Milkweed is highly prestigious, and the slightest mistake could be costly."

"Do you expect me to bow and scrape?" Poopatine asked.

"No, not at all. Let's not be silly. Although bowing and scraping can be thrown in for good measure," Kyle replied. Poopatine started. The boy was terrified of the power his professor held over his future.

"Kyle, everything will be fine," Poopatine assured sternly. "Now get to class. We'll head to Milkweed academy at six sharp."

"Six, oh yes, very good, all right. Thank you Janitor Poopatine," Kyle said, hurrying away. "I'll repay you somehow!"

"I'm sure," Poopatine replied to himself, turning back to the wall and sighing. He smirked victoriously at his conquered nemesis.

FBaCC

"Here we are, this is it," Kyle tensely said as the two made their way through the halls of Milkweed, Poopatine gaping around in awe. This was the school for which Brenda had signed them up to host an exchange student from. He looked ahead at Kyle's declaration and saw a grand door, obviously the room they were to wait in.

"Calm yourself boy. Things will go fine," Poopatine assured. He entered the chamber first and paused on seeing what was inside, curiosity coming to his eyes.

Kyle bumped into him. "Ow, watch it," Kyle complained.

Poopatine glanced back at him then questioned, "Who is _that_?"

Kyle looked ahead and gasped, paling. "Oh no. I-It's Sigmund the Sorcerer, my nemesis and rival!" he exclaimed.

"Where are _his_ parents?" Poopatine questioned.

"Parents? Where are his…" Kyle began. Then his eyes lit up. There was no one with Sigmund. Sigmund was alone. Absolutely no one was around him… "Why, I don't believe I've _ever_ seen them," Kyle said, eyes widening in realization. All at once he icily smirked, eyes narrowing at the other boy. "How did I miss it _before_? Oh this is just _too_ good to pass up."

"Is it my imagination, or does he look just like _you_?" Poopatine said.

"Oh please, let's not be silly. Excuse me, I have some showing up to do," Kyle declared. "Finally, after all this time I actually have something to hold above his head!" He grabbed Janitor Poopatine's wrist and pulled him along.

"Kyle, don't risk it," Poopatine warned.

"Surely you're kidding? Be nice to Sigmund? Oh please. He's never shown _me_ the same courtesy," Kyle replied.

"Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason," Poopatine growled. Too late. Kyle let go of him and pushed on ahead, destination set.

FBaCC

"Vat iz taking so long?" Sigmund muttered aloud as he waited outside the office of Professor Flan. He just wanted to get these exchange papers over with; and the nightmare of rebooking a parent teacher interview for the next day. He supposed he'd have to come up with yet _another_ excuse as to why his 'parents' were unable to come in to meet Flan. He couldn't keep this up much longer. The Professor was getting suspicious, he knew. He'd put this off for a week already, a different excuse each time. The family inside left. Sigmund watched loathingly after the child who walked proudly out with his mother and father praising him. His loathing faded to a forlorn expression as he gazed up at the roof blankly. He was tired of excuses. For once he just wanted to have a normal interview.

"Why Sigmund, fancy meeting _you_ here," a voice said suddenly. Sigmund gasped and turned.

Eyes narrowing, he replied, "Kyle ze Constipator. Vat are _you_ doing here?"

"Constipater?" a man behind Kyle questioned.

Sigmund started and looked up at him shocked. Who was _this_? A babysitter? He knew for a fact Kyle lived alone. Surely he didn't have _parents_? Please, any immortal being that be, don't let him have parents! That would drive him _insane_ to know Kyle had something he… Well, he wouldn't say didn't, but still…

Kyle cringed, then said to the man, blushing in embarrassment, "Nick name. Never mind. For your information, Sigmund, Professor Flan is on the verge of accepting me back into Milkweed, and I did it without your _help_! He wishes to meet my father."

Sigmund looked sharply up at Janitor Poopatine in shock. No way; this wasn't happening. It _couldn't_ be happening! Then his eyes narrowed. "_You_ 'ave parents? How… unexpected," he questioned doubtfully.

"Naturally. Why, Sigmund, speaking of parents, I don't see _yours_ anywhere," Kyle remarked.

Sigmund started, for once looking flustered and unsure of himself. He forced himself to quickly recover, however, and sharply barked, "Parents? Do not be a fool! Zey stayed at home."

"Somehow I doubt that," Kyle replied, smirking victoriously. Oh he was loving _this_.

"Vell, you, I, nevermind ze parents! Vere iz your vand, Kyle?" Sigmund quickly said, changing the subject.

"My wand!" Kyle exclaimed with a gasp, searching for it. "I must have forgotten it in the Dump Star. I'll be right back dad." With that, Kyle bolted.

FBaCC

There was an awkward silence as Janitor Poopatine and Sigmund summed each other up, then looked away. Poopatine cleared his throat. "Zo…" Sigmund began. "You are Kyle's fazher?" he suspiciously finished.

"You seem doubtful," Poopatine replied.

"Zere iz no quvestion you look like him, if only a little," Sigmund delicately replied.

"Just as there's no question that _he_ looks a lot like _you_," Poopatine declared.

"Oh please, let us not be zilly," Sigmund answered, rolling his eyes.

"You have no parents, do you boy?" Poopatine suddenly asked.

Sigmund gasped and froze. Had he just… "I did not zay zat!" Sigmund quickly replied, looking sharply away and at his nails, seemingly engrossed in them.

"But I'm right," Poopatine pushed.

Sigmund looked up at him silently. Who did this man think he was? Well, if he _were_ Kyle's father, which he doubted since Kyle was definitely clever enough to get a stand-in, he wasn't about to answer. Wordlessly he refused to reply. The Janitor just looked at him sternly, no hint of retreat in his expression. Sigmund shifted uncomfortably then finally gave in. With a sigh, Sigmund answered, "I live alone if zat iz vat you mean." Why were all the children he met living alone, Poopatine wondered?

Just then Professor Flan came out, greeting, "Ah young Sigmund. I suppose your parents have gone away on extended vacation and cannot meet with me?"

Sigmund started, cringed, then turned, saying with his regular 'higher than thou art' expression, "Oh, Professor Flan, yes, vell, you see, zat iz, um…" He trailed off on seeing the Professor looking none too impressed. He blinked then angrily scowled. "Zey could not come! Nevairmind zat. I am here to zign ze exchange papers." There was no way he could come up with a passing excuse. Not this time. He knew now that next time he tried to pull this excuse stunt, his luck would run out. He grabbed the papers from Flan and swiftly signed them, looking bored with it all. He handed them back as Kyle returned.

FBaCC

"Now, where were we Sigmund? What did you just sign?" Kyle questioned as he came up to them and raised a curious eyebrow.

Sigmund's eyes coldly lit up, an icy smirk coming to his face, and he replied, "Kyle, have you heard uf ze exchange program?"

"That school switch slash helper teacher thing? Of course I have. The whole thing is silly," Kyle answered, looking annoyed and suspicious. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason. By ze vay, Kyle, I 'ave a zurprise far you," Sigmund said.

"I beg your pardon?" Kyle questioned, confused and startled. Sigmund had a surprise for _him_?

"No pushing, constipator, you vill get novhere. Zoon enough you vill see," Sigmund assured. He waved and walked haughtily away from them all.

They blinked after him, then Professor Flan fixed Kyle with a glare, saying, "Ah young Bloodworth-Thomason. I'm afraid I have to cut this short. I have no time for you today. I will postpone this meeting until tomorrow. I'll be dropping by Galaxy Hills for a little while to address the exchange student coming."

"But sir…" Kyle began. Poopatine hung back. This whole experience was quite intriguing, really. Watching the dynamics in this school was entertaining to say the least.

"Dismissed, boy," Flan waved off, flipping his hand and walking away.

"But…" Kyle began.

"Let it go, Kyle. Tomorrow is the dawn of a new day," Poopatine remarked.

"I suppose. Any chance you could…" Kyle began.

"Why not?" Poopatine questioned.

"Terribly sorry you had to go out of your way for no reason," Kyle remarked, slightly embarrassed and afraid of what the janitor would do.

"Oh trust me, my young apprentice. It was worth every moment," Poopatine cryptically replied, walking passed him and beckoning for the boy to follow his lead. Kyle did so, curious as to the janitor's words.

* * *

(A/N: All right, if you're wondering why I made Sigmund remark that Poopatine looked like Kyle is because the first time I saw Janitor Poopatine I honestly thought he was Kyle's father. It wasn't a speaking role for him, just a cameo appearance, and I figured, 'Well, I haven't seen _him_ yet. Who could he be? He looks a lot like that wizard. He must be his father. Wow, I didn't think any of the characters in this _had_ parents.' He has the same basic facial shape for sure. As for Poopatine saying Sigmund looked like Kyle, you can't tell me they don't look similar in a lot of ways. Big heads, same facial shape almost, hairstyles are practically identical. First time I saw Sigmund I thought he and Kyle were related.)


	6. You've Been Dazzled!

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: You have to admit, Poopatine's debut episode was pretty intense on the entrance.)

You've Been _Dazzled_!

Mr. Mufflin's class excitedly talked about the new student coming in. "Ooh, I wonder if it's a boy or a girl," Yo said.

"I hope it's a nice boy," Lupe said. She and Yo giggled.

"Or a girl, she could be like our other best friend!" Yo exclaimed excitedly.

Mr. Mufflin walked in just then, muttering, "Twelve years till retirement, twelve years till retirement." He turned to the class saying dully, "Students, today we're getting an exchange student. Isn't that thrilling?" The whole class cheered loudly. "However!" Mufflin cut off. They fell silent. "We'll also be getting a helper teacher in as well." The class groaned.

"Two teacher's? That's no fun," Chum Chum complained.

"Maybe they'll at last be able to control _you_ two ninnies, and I'll finally be able to get some learning done in this dreary little town," Kyle bit.

"They can try, Kyle, they can try," Fanboy answered, exchanging conspiratorial looks with Chum Chum.

The door was knocked on and Mufflin looked towards it dully. "Student teacher is here already?" he asked aloud, walking to the door to look out. He spotted the boy outside and smiled. Lenny. Thank the fates he had someone competent to help! He opened the door, saying, "Lenny."

"Hi Mr. Mufflin," Lenny brightly said, walking in with a skip to his step.

"Lenny!" Fanboy and Chum Chum suddenly exclaimed, and Lenny screamed in terror, backing against the chalkboard as the two heroes leapt at him.

Quickly Mufflin got between them and barked, "Back to your desks!"

The two froze with terrified gasps and quickly returned. "Wow, he's a grouch today," Fanboy remarked to Chum Chum, who nodded in agreement.

"I apologize for their behavior," Mufflin said.

"N-no problem. I apologize for them ever trying Frosty Freezy Freeze," Lenny answered.

"The first rule here, we rule this classroom with an iron fist. We do not take anything sitting down," Mufflin said. Promptly he sat and Lenny raised an eyebrow. Mufflin looked at himself then added, "Figuratively speaking. Second rule, Fanboy and Chum Chum are never to be separated."

"Why?" Lenny questioned.

"It'll tear a hole in the space time continuum," Mufflin answered as if it were the most casual thing in the world to say. Lenny twitched. "Pull up a seat, boy. It'll be a long day." Lenny quickly obeyed.

"So, where's the exchange student?" Lenny questioned.

"Right here!" a voice boomed through the room as the whole class became filled with a red fog and a red glow. Thunder and lightning echoed to the sound of organ music as bats flew everywhere squeaking. The class gasped in terror and awe. "From far beyond comes ze master uf ze dark arts. Give it up und bow down befar ze one, ze only, Sigmund ze Sorcerer!"

FBaCC

Kyle gasped, going as white as a ghost and clinging to his desk. "Oh no. It simply can't be!" he exclaimed.

"Sigmund!" Fanboy and Chum Chum excitedly exclaimed.

"Sigmund!" the class screamed in disbelief, almost every one of them a fan, Kyle knew.

"Sigmund the Stinker!" Kyle cried. Not that anyone noticed the dig. They were too busy being excited. The buffoons. Well, most of them. Francine looked bored as ever, if not slightly intrigued, and that girl Nancy, she looked amused, but not like a diehard fan.

"This is too good to be true!" Yo exclaimed, holding Lupe's hands excitedly.

The smoke blew away swiftly and in the front of the room smirking victoriously stood Sigmund himself! "You've been dazzled!" Sigmund finished, bowing low. The class erupted into cheers.

"Oh come on, why did no one respond like this to _my_ first entrance?" Kyle whined. "It was every bit as good!"

"Zomehow I doubt zat, constipator," Sigmund bit, overhearing. The class snickered cruelly. Kyle blushed deeply and sank down in his desk, humiliated.

"That's enough, everyone quiet!" Mufflin shouted over the noise. The class fell silent.

"Welcome to Galaxy Hills one and only Elementary school. Please find a seat and make yourself at home," Lenny greeted, backing up the teacher with a bored tone. Mufflin smirked proudly at the protégé.

"You'll fit in just fine, Leonard," he complimented.

"Thanks Mr. Mufflin," Lenny replied, grinning. The two fixed Fanboy and Chum Chum with annoyed and cold glares. From this point on, Mufflin was his father figure and mentor, him the protégé son slash apprentice. Judging by Kyle's reaction, with this new addition, they knew they'd really have to be on guard now.

Kyle seethed as Sigmund took a seat close by his. Probably to taunt and bug him mercilessly. "Zat iz how it iz done, Constipator," Sigmund bit.

"Oh what would _you_ know?" Kyle questioned back, rolling his eyes and looking away. He had no intentions of speaking to Sigmund in the least. Not for _any_ reason.

"Threatened, Kyle?" Sigmund asked. Kyle bit his tongue, growling lowly. Sigmund laughed and put his feet on the desk. Mistake.

FBaCC

All at once an alarm pierced through the air! The children all screamed in shock. Lenny gasped and exclaimed, "What is it!"

"The Janitor's alarm," Mufflin darkly said.

"Ze vhat now?" Sigmund questioned as the class screamed and dove for the corner of the classroom, Kyle, Fanboy, and Chum Chum included. A barricade of desks was set up in front of them as they clung to each other. Sigmund gaped in disbelief and awe. What could possibly insight this much dread?

"M-Mr. Mufflin?" Lenny fearfully began, backing away and moving behind the teacher for protection. He sensed something was definitely off, and this force wasn't one to be reckoned with.

"Stand your ground," Mufflin warned, staying as a guardian in front of Lenny, protectively holding the younger man back. Sigmund leapt to his feet with a gasp and stared at the door in disbelief.

The door flew open, mist pouring inside and obstructing a figure from view. A voice then powerfully, menacingly, asked, "Who dared set off my dirt alarm by putting their feet on my desks?" A figure began to appear through the mist, and Sigmund's eyes widened. It was the man Kyle claimed was his father, only he didn't recall that man being anywhere _near_ this menacing before. He _knew_ Kyle had gotten a stand in. What sort of insanity had possessed the wizard to go for _this_ one, though? Why could he just see Kyle selling his soul to the man for the opportunity? Why could he so easily picture the man only helping the wizard _for_ that great of a price?

The man's eyes fell on Sigmund, and Sigmund crouched low, cowering. "J-Janitor Poopatine," Lenny squeaked, recognizing him from stories the kids had told and from around town.

"Poop!" Chum Chum chimed from behind the desks with the rest of the shivering class. Kyle swiftly covered his mouth. He half hoped Sigmund would suffer the janitor's full wrath, but something told him he hadn't done something quite that terrible yet. Besides, he wasn't sure if he could wish that fate on his worst enemy if he _tried_.

Janitor Poopatine's eyes fell on Sigmund and he started. They became amused, and the janitor cruelly grinned. "You again. Why am I not surprised you would end up here?"

Sigmund gasped and raised his hand, flinging a red fire ball at the threat. Poopatine raised his hand and clenched his fist. The fireball stopped in mid-air then was extinguished. Brenda's claws shot out and grabbed the boy, dragging him close. Sigmund cried out in terror and stared at the figure in horror, clearly rattled. "Y-you are ze man zat came vith Kyle…" he said.

Poopatine darkly chuckled, then frowned, asking, "What possessed you to think you could get away with putting your feet on the desks?" Sigmund opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. "No apology? That simply won't do," Poopatine said.

"I am zorry!" Sigmund exclaimed in alarm.

"And…" Poopatine fished.

"I vill nevair do it again!" Sigmund promised in terror, kicking himself for surrendering to the janitor's will every step of the way. He was a sorcerer! He could take this man out!

"Good boy," Poopatine said, placing Sigmund down. Brenda grabbed a cloth and quickly wiped off the desk. "You are in my school on my territory now, and I won't stand for mess makers." Sigmund nodded quickly. He wasn't up to trying his luck on the man at the moment.

"Uh, Mr. Poopatine, th-the t-teacher's lounge fridge isn't working," Lenny timidly spoke up.

"Don't challenge him," Mufflin stated. "I'm the only teacher here who can match him and get off without being maimed. Consider it rule two. Actually, bump that up to rule one."

"I know how to pick my battles," Poopatine coldly said in response. He looked at Lenny and added, "No, boy, it isn't. Now witness the firepower of the new fully armed and operational refrigerating station!" He pressed a button on Brenda and a holographic fridge appeared. The French teacher opened the door and instantly had icicles hanging from her nose and body. She screamed and ran for her winter coat, throwing it on and going back for the milk. Lenny gaped in awe along with the others. Poopatine laughed cruelly and exited the room as swiftly as he had come.

FBaCC

"Wow he's good," Lenny said in shock. "Wait, he picks his battles with _you_?"

"I stood up to an ancient Viking warrior three times my size without batting an eyelash, plus took on the whole class in a battle for the classroom and nearly won it single handedly," Mufflin simply replied. Lenny twitched as the teacher sat. Wow he had big shoes to fill.

Looking back at the students, Lenny called, "All right, show's over, back to your seats."

Cautiously the class obeyed. Sitting again, Kyle noticed Sigmund still standing, shocked, and smirked coldly, saying, "Why Sigmund? Whatever is the matter?"

Sigmund blinked then looked at Kyle in disbelief. After a moment he sat with a frown, saying, "I could have taken him."

"I'm sure," Kyle answered.

"I vas taken off guard!" Sigmund defended.

"Put your feet on the desk," Kyle challenged. Sigmund started and turned quickly away.

"You were so brave to face him alone," Lupe said, smiling at Sigmund who was now facing her.

"Brave? He was like a little girl!" Kyle exclaimed.

"What was that Kyle?" Yo sang, frowning. Kyle bit his tongue, recognizing the mistake. Sigmund smiled boastfully.

"Dankeshan," he answered. Kyle hit his head on his desk over and over. Why couldn't he ever win! Did the gods just hate him that _much_? Sigmund raised an eyebrow, glancing back at him with a curious frown, but chose to say nothing.


	7. A Mistake Of Janitorial Proportions

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: Kyle's life has gone down the toilet now that Sigmund's in his school. How much worse can things get? Well, when one doesn't guard their tongue, serious error is committed.)

A Mistake Of Janitorial Proportions

Sigmund sighed deeply as he headed towards the principal's office where Professor Flan would be waiting to assign him to his host. And to interview his parents. The day hadn't been all that bad, in fact it was a welcome relief, but relief was gone now as he drew closer with each step to the main office.

FBaCC

"He wants to meet with me today," Kyle timidly explained to the janitor, still slightly shaken by the display in the morning. "Is there any chance…"

"Enough said, Kyle. Go get your wand and I'll meet you there," Poopatine assured, waving off the concern.

"Thank you sir," Kyle said, running off to go get his wand. Poopatine rode Brenda towards the office. He was headed there anyway to get his assigned student. Ugh, he wasn't looking forward to this, but at least Brenda was happy.

FBaCC

Sigmund entered and said, "Sigmund has arrived!"

"Sit down, sorcerer," Flan flatly replied, looking at the boy. Sigmund obeyed and boredly watched him.

"You 'ave mein assigned host?" Sigmund more stated than asked.

"After our interview," Flan replied, smirking challengingly. Oh his professor did _not_ just challenge him. "Why Sigmund, where are your parents?"

Sigmund finally appeared to back down in a sudden display of weakness. "Zey, err, are, um…"

"Yes?" Flan asked.

Sigmund knew then that he couldn't get out of this one. Not this time. No excuse he could possibly make would get him out of it. He swallowed, trying to think up some sort of lie or distraction. He took a deep breath, but right then… "Ahem," Poopatine interrupted from the door, entering the room quite suddenly.

The two turned, gasping. Sigmund's eyes widened in shock. The first thing Poopatine noticed was the sorcerer's predicament. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on. The boy had run out of excuses. "Mein fazher!" Sigmund exclaimed, beginning to answer Flan's question but taken aback by the creepy janitor's sudden appearance. He didn't get the chance to correct himself.

Professor Flan gasped and looked up at the janitor. His eyes widened and he exclaimed, "Sigmund's father! Oh, excuse my rudeness. Please, come in."

"Mein vat now?" Sigmund asked, looking at Flan in shock, then back at Poopatine. Instantly he knew how Flan had interpreted his statement. His eyes widened at the realization. Oh no, this wasn't good.

"I'm terribly sorry, I never saw you there, but how could I miss you? You look like your son," Flan covered.

"Father? Wait a moment," Poopatine began, as taken back, if not more, as the sorcerer boy.

Flan replied. "Don't hesitate, come in, come in, come in."

FBaCC

As Flan ushered him inside, Poopatine began, "I'm afraid there must be a mistake, you see I'm not…"

Flan pushed Poopatine into the chair next to Sigmund and continued, not listening, "Now, Mr… well, let's just call you Sir for now, why don't we? Anyway, sir, Sigmund is one of the top students in Milkweed Academy, if not the best. However, I have some concerns about his slipping grades."

"Slipping grades?" Poopatine asked.

"It iz nussink to be concerned about, really!" Sigmund defended as Flan handed the records over to Poopatine. Poopatine and Sigmund exchanged looks, Sigmund's eyes a mix of, exasperated, desperate, and pleading. The message was clear. At least to the janitor. Well, there was no turning back now anyway, Poopatine supposed. He might as well kill the time. He sighed in annoyance and looked swiftly through them.

His eyes widened in shock as he read, and automatically he replied, "Slipping is an understatement! Sigmund my boy, what's wrong? Is there something you're not telling me? Has everything been going all right at school?"

"Vell, uh, zat iz, you see, um…" Sigmund tried to excuse. Oh being stuck in this lie had completely thrown him off. On seeing Poopatine's unbelieving gaze, however, he swallowed. He had no time to guard his tongue. He might as well just let it all out, complaints and everything. "Eet ees my TV show producair! Ze fool has been pushing me und pushing me beyond exhaustion. I hardly have time far studies anymore! Normally I am all far ze camera, but zeez eez ridiculous! I cannot take eet anymore, I cannot! Vat am I supposed to say to heem? He does not care about mein wellbeing, just ze money I bring him! Und zere iz ze spell signings for spells I nevair wanted to share, talk shows, public appearances, ze fans, everyzing!"

"TV show?" Poopatine mused. The boy couldn't be more than twelve or thirteen and he was doing a _TV_ show? And not some kiddie one either. As if that wasn't stressful enough, the producer was pushing him, possibly beyond what law dictated. "Spell signings, fans, public appearances? Doesn't that ninny of a producer know about child labor laws?" Poopatine angrily said. Now normally he wouldn't care, but this was going beyond ridiculous. "Son, if you're having troubles you need to tell me so that I can step in. Next time you're supposed to meet with him I'll tag along and have, let's just say 'a word' with him," Poopatine said, eyes narrowing. The child was being overworked and it was negatively affecting his grades. That did not sit well with him. He wasn't impressed. He didn't care much for children or their education, but he _did_ have a sense of duty and pride. Besides, as with Kyle if he were to take on the role of father for this part, he could at least play it up.

"You vill?" Sigmund asked, eyes widening.

"Of course! What are father's for?" Poopatine answered, wishing he could kick himself and barely managing to avoid biting his own tongue.

"Do that; and I certainly hope, Sigmund, that your grades are pulled up. I would hate to have to make you drop out of Milkweed like your friend Kyle did," Flan threatened. "And believe me, I am seriously considering it. I am one letter away from finalizing the declaration. I hope you're liking Galaxy Hills. One of the other reasons I'd hopes you'd sign up for this exchange program."

Sigmund swallowed. "Professor Flan, I won't have you threatening my son," Janitor Poopatine firmly stated, standing up and leaning over the teacher's desk. "Are we clear?"

"Clear, threatened? Oh yes, of course sir. Naturally I didn't mean for it to be a threat, goodness no," Flan quickly covered, pulling back in his seat feeling suddenly intimidated by the man above him scowling viciously.

FBaCC

Just then the door flew open and Kyle exclaimed in relief, "There you are papa. I'd thought you'd abandoned me."

"Papa?" Flan exclaimed. Sigmund cringed. Oh his cover was blown.

"Abandoned you? Kyle, what on Earth made you think I would _abandon_ you?" Poopatine answered. All at once he realized what he'd just done and gasped. He looked back at Flan, to Sigmund, then to Kyle, two of the three looking horrified and shocked, Kyle looking completely lost but sensing something was off. In an attempt to convey to Kyle what was going on before he became completely confused and denied it when the Professor questioned him, Poopatine added, "I was just, err, in with your…" Oh he hated to do this, but nonetheless finished, "…big brother."

"Brother!" Kyle and Sigmund exclaimed together, gaping in horror at the Janitor, then each other, then back. The one relief in this, Sigmund realized, was that he now had the comfort of knowing the Janitor was human after all and not some wicked overlord, though that was still in the cards as far as _he_ was concerned. From what he'd seen, Poopatine ran the school, and Mufflin wasn't far behind if not equal. He hadn't even _seen_ the headmaster yet. Did they _have_ one? He'd seen four staff in all. At least Poopatine wasn't intimidating twenty-four seven.

"Brother? Why Kyle, Sigmund, I never knew you two were _brothers_!" Flan exclaimed.

"Neizher did ve," Sigmund answered.

"I beg your pardon?" Flan questioned.

"Long story, no time to explain, Sigmund go out in the hall while Kyle and I meet with good Professor Flan," Poopatine quickly said, directing the subject away from them.

"Well if they're brothers, the boy is perfectly welcome to stay," Flan said, still flustered at the news and looking the three over in disbelief. Now that he was thinking about it, there _was_ a family resemblance.

"No he's not!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Have a seat, Mr. Bloodworth-Thomason," Flan ordered dangerously. Kyle swallowed and quickly sat. "I must say I doubted you even _had_ a family. You and Sigmund _both_. It's quite intriguing to see you with them now. I'm certainly looking forward to the dinner at your home to see how you all interact and get along."

"Poorly," Sigmund sang.

"Oh shut it!" Kyle barked. "Wait, dinner!"

"Oh yes, I forgot to tell you. I'm planning to come over for dinner soon to see you in action. Precautions before readmitting you to Milkweed, you must understand," Flan casually said. Kyle swallowed.

"Kyle ze Constipator having a problem?" Sigmund asked.

"Shut up!" Kyle yelled.

Poopatine covered both their mouths and grinned innocently, saying, "Sibling rivalry, keeps things quite entertaining around the home. Helps me stay, err, semi-young to always have to be on my toes."

FBaCC

"I see Kyle's grades from this school are stellar," Flan remarked, looking back at the papers.

"Naturally," Kyle boasted.

"On par with his brother's, in fact, before they began to slip," Flan added.

"What's this? Sigmund the Great is falling behind?" Kyle said, eyes narrowing delightedly.

"Coming from a vizard who iz only sub-par?" Sigmund questioned. "I vill discredit zat statement und erase it from memory."

"Boys!" Poopatine shot. The two fell silent, sulking and folding their arms as they sat on either side of him.

"Your children are pushing their luck Mr…" Flan fished.

"Russ Poopatine, err, Bloodworth-Thomason," Poopatine replied.

"Really? Hmm, how interesting," Professor Flan remarked. "As I was saying, young Kyle's marks certainly are testament to him being readmitted."

"Zurely you cannot be serious," Sigmund said in disbelief. "He iz a talentless vant to be. He iz better off in zis ozher school."

"How dare you!" Kyle shouted.

"I am ze oldest, I am ze most talented, I have ze right to brag," Sigmund answered.

"You have nothing to brag _about_ you has been!" Kyle barked. With that he sprung at Sigmund! Sigmund gasped as Kyle knocked him from the seat, and the two went rolling across the floor. Professor Flan and Janitor Poopatine shot up with gasps.

"Mr. Poopatine!" Flan shouted at Poopatine.

"Sigmund and Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason, here now!" Poopatine shouted furiously, eyes dangerously glittering as he stepped forward to intervene.

Taken aback by the tone, the two froze with gasps and looked over. One look at his seething expression was enough to push them into action, and the two were in front of him in an instant saluting. "Yes sir!" they both chimed. There was the mean and creepy janitor they were accustomed to.

"That's enough out of you two! Is that any way to behave in front of your Professor Flan?" Poopatine shot.

"No father," they both muttered reluctantly.

"What do you say to the good Professor," Poopatine pushed. They were silent. "Boys…" Poopatine growled in a warning tone.

"I apologize, professor, it was terribly rude of us," Kyle remarked.

"As do I, but it vould not have happened if you had not inzulted ze power of Sigmund!" Sigmund declared sharply.

"Oh nuts to you, you no good show off, always trying to make me look bad!" Kyle barked.

"Danke, Kyle, you do not make it hard!" Sigmund thanked with a sneer.

"Boys! Cease and desist this instant or so help me I will ground you two for a month!" Poopatine barked, grabbing a wand from Professor Flan and brandishing it threateningly. They immediately fell silent, eyes big and wide as they looked up at him in disbelief.

"You wouldn't!" they both exclaimed.

"Try me," he warned. The 'brother's' fell silent and muttered another apology to both the professor and their 'father.'

FBaCC

"Mr. Poopatine, get your little rug rats under control! You disrespectful disruptive little pests! Even under a parent's firm hand you two are misbehaved, ungrateful brats! I should kick you both out permanently!" Flan shouted. The boys clung to each other in terror and humiliation at the professor's anger.

"How dare you, you worthless walking dessert!" Poopatine roared, spinning and catching the man with the wand he'd grabbed, lifting him into the air. "I have had just about enough of your biases towards my sons! Don't think for a moment I haven't noticed it! I have tolerated as much as I deemed acceptable, but this takes the cake!" The boys gaped in disbelief at their 'father's' boldness.

"F-Fazher?" Sigmund stammered, eyes wide.

"Boys, get into the Dump Star. We're leaving!" Poopatine ordered. "And as for you, Flan, I expect you to come up with an apology ASAP. You will meet with me and my sons very soon in our home for dinner. There you will give your apology and you will treat me and my boys with respect, though goodness knows they haven't done much to prove themselves worthy of it. Capishe?"

Flan numbly nodded, prying at the invisible grip tightening around his throat, eyes wide in fear, and replied, "I may not come to dinner tomorrow. I don't know when I'll be able to, but be ready at all times. I may drop in unexpectedly. I apologize for everything. Hopefully we can make up when I arrive for supper." Poopatine dropped him, satisfied. "Oh and Sigmund, your host for this exchange is… Why, it's your father. How lucky." They didn't miss the suspicious tone. Poopatine and Sigmund exchanged shocked looks. Sigmund blinked then sighed, looking condescending as always. Oh, his luck just got better and better.

"What!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Well, at least you won't have to pay for room and board," Flan said. "Ta ta, boys, enjoy your stay, Sigmund." He ushered the three out and slammed the door.

"Dazzle you later!" Sigmund numbly called back, shooting Poopatine and Kyle a confused look. Wow things had escalated.


	8. Play The Part

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: Second up today. Well it's a fine mess they've gotten into. Now how will this odd and mismatched trio work it out?)

Play The Part

"Janitor Poopatine, you must help me!" Kyle begged as Poopatine drove the Dump Star towards Kyle's home. "Please, please, please, please, please!"

"Help _you_? Help _me_," Poopatine answered. "It's a fine mess we've all gotten ourselves into."

"Let ze record show zat zis vas not my fault in ze least!" Sigmund shot.

"Nothing ever is!" Kyle shot.

"Boys! You both had an equal part in this! I will admit, though, that none of it would have happened if I hadn't been stupid enough to agree to this whole scam in the first place," Poopatine said.

"Vat scam? Vill someone please fill me in on vat iz happening?" Sigmund questioned, agitated.

"Long story," Janitor Poopatine replied. "But one you're as stuck in now as _we_ are. What with your reputation with your professor all but shot, you really don't have a choice now, do you?"

"It iz not shot!" Sigmund insisted.

"He threatened to kick you out. All that's left for him to do is dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's.'" Poopatine stated.

"Oh really," Kyle said, eyes lighting up.

"Kyle, not the time!" Poopatine barked.

"Oh very well. I suppose that since we're all stuck in it together now, I might as well fill you in," Kyle relented. With that he told the story from start to finish.

FBaCC

When he was done, Sigmund stared in shock from him, to Poopatine, to himself, then back at Kyle. "Vell… zat vas… unexpected," he finally remarked. There was awkward silence. Finally Sigmund questioned, "Zo how vill ve keep up zis charade?"

"I haven't the faintest idea," Kyle groaned. "Professor Flan will definitely ask about the different accents. He's not a complete idiot."

"He borders," Sigmund bit. Kyle and he snickered, exchanging knowing glances.

"That enough you two," Janitor Poopatine warned.

"Vell _you_ saw him!" Sigmund insisted. Janitor Poopatine said nothing. He wouldn't protest _that_.

"Anyway, back to the plan," Kyle said. "Here's how I see it. _I_ want to be readmitted into Milkweed; apparently _you_ need to get back into Professor Flan's good graces before he kicks _you_ out as _well_."

"You both have goals neither one of you can achieve if the other tries to interfere, so it's best you don't even try. This time you're working together, whether you like it or not," Janitor Poopatine declared, knowing exactly what the two children were thinking about the other. They wanted to try and ruin each other's chances, but he knew that if that happened, _neither_ would get back in.

"Vell, zis gets better und better," Sigmund complained, folding his arms sulkily. He turned to admiring the collection of books. Kyle hadn't taken any of them as of yet; except, of course, _The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe_. He picked up _The Wizard of Oz_ and began to flip through it absently as the three silently thought.

"I have no ideas," Kyle finally said, surrendering. "How on Earth can we possibly accomplish this?"

"Ve play ze roles ve have stuck each other vith," Sigmund replied simply.

"How far is playing the parts, though?" Kyle questioned worriedly. Sigmund boredly looked at Kyle, then became uncertain. Hmm, he didn't have an answer _after_ all. He didn't like not having an answer. For once he was completely lost. He looked to Janitor Poopatine. Perhaps _he_ had an idea. Kyle looked as well.

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Poopatine, feeling the children's eyes on him, felt the pressure. Finally he said, "All right, listen up. From this moment on, you two are brothers. Sigmund, Kyle, I am your father. You two are my only sons, your mother is dead, though something tells me it won't take much acting to convey _that_ part across." Brenda excitedly beeped.

"Zat iz none uf your business!" Sigmund sharply shot at Poopatine, getting touchy at the mother reference.

"Listen," Poopatine warned. "Calm yourself Brenda. It's only temporary. Now, which one of you is older?"

"Who do you _zink_? It iz me uf course," Sigmund replied.

"All right, so that wasn't a lie back in the interview room," Poopatine said. "Good. The less lying we do, the better this will turn out for _all_ of us. As for your accents… That will take some careful consideration."

"What about home? If we're family, doesn't that mean we, well, have to live together?" Kyle questioned.

"Until everything has blown over, yes," Poopatine replied. "My home is the shed on the school grounds. Hardly enough room. How many rooms do you have, Kyle?"

"Mine, the spare I put _you_ in, and one more right next to my bedroom," Kyle answered.

"Perfect. So far things are working out," Poopatine declared.

"I 'ave to be under ze zame roof as Kyle ze Constipator! But zis iz unacceptable. His home iz ein shabby little _hovel_," Sigmund declared, outraged.

"If you want a chance at getting back onto the Professor's good side, yes," Poopatine firmly declared. "To all outward appearances we are a family now. At least until after Professor Flan's visit. That means we start acting like one. You will now address me as father, dad, papa, whatever other names you come up with. You two can continue on your silly little feud, that's what siblings do, but you'll need to cover hatred with at least _some_ displays of tolerance, faked or not. Protect each other from bullies if you walk to school, for instance. However, most of the time I'll be driving you to keep up appearances."

"Making lunches und cooking us breakfast und dinner?" Sigmund questioned, eyes lighting up at the thought of not having to make his own meals.

"Taking us to movies, helping us with homework and whatnot!" Kyle excitedly pressed.

"Unfortunately. However, you two will be pulling your weight in chores. No more lollygagging around as if you were completely free of parental authority. You have a father now, and he plans on playing the role properly. That includes groundings, curfews, asking permission before doing things, and all the downfalls of having a parent. Capishe?" Poopatine replied.

Sigmund and Kyle hesitated, exchanging uncertain glances, but then looked back, nodding and answering, "Yes daddy." Hmm, perhaps daddy wasn't the one to go with unless the situation was dire.

"Good. It's going to be a long wait," Poopatine said.

"What about friends and school?" Kyle asked.

"Thanks to the exchange program that's simple enough. You will both be attending the same school, don't worry about that. As for Fanboy and Chum Chum… Hope and pray they don't find out. If they do and start asking questions, get out and come to me. Hopefully I'll have an emergency tale to give them. When it's all over you can tell them the truth," Poopatine answered.

"Mr. Mufflin?" Kyle asked.

"I'll talk to Hank," Poopatine assured. "Sigmund, are there any loose ends that need to be dealt with on your side, son?"

"Mein producer," Sigmund answered.

"When do you go in again?" Poopatine questioned.

"Tomorrow morning at two," Sigmund replied, glancing away at the seemingly interesting floor of the Dump Star.

"_Two o'clock_!" Poopatine exclaimed. "My gosh he'll be talked to all right. I'll certainly have something to say about _that_."

"Danke," Sigmund quietly said. Kyle looked over at the sorcerer. Had he just _thanked_ someone? Really now, having your own TV show couldn't be _that_ bad. So as to make the spoiled, pampered, and selfish show off Sigmund go so far out of _character_? Looking at him now, though, Kyle noticed that something was off. Sigmund had bags under the eyes, he wore a listless expression, one he'd noticed a lot, he had been drifting off in classes… Hmm, perhaps things weren't all primroses and happy ponies for Sigmund _either_. He'd never thought that were _possible_. Though really, he supposed no one had a perfect life.

FBaCC

The three entered Kyle's home and looked around. "Now what?" Kyle questioned.

"We adjust," Poopatine answered. "Just play along, go with whatever feels natural. You two are brothers. I am your father." There was silence, the three still unsure of what to do or where to go from here. Finally Poopatine asked, "Have you two had supper?"

As if in response, their stomach's growled. The two looked down at them. "Um, no?" Kyle answered.

"Of course not. It's a wonder you two haven't starved yourselves yet," Poopatine declared.

"Starved? Oh, yes, vell, I vouldn't go zo far as to zay zat, exactly," Sigmund remarked, grinning innocently.

Poopatine's eyes narrowed suspiciously at the boys. "What do you two like?" he finally questioned.

"Blackened pheasant oonder glass," Sigmund answered.

"Lobster thermador," Kyle chimed.

"I suppose you have the ingredients and recipes? I'm not a five star chef, boys," Janitor Poopatine said. They exchanged glances.

"We could poof them up," Kyle offered.

Poopatine looked unimpressed. "Magic conjured dishes are nothing compared to home cooked," he stated.

"Grilled cheese vill vork," Sigmund sheepishly said. He'd never admit it, but the janitor, no, his father for now, was right. He'd had plenty of miraculously conceived dishes. They were nothing compared to home cooked meals he'd tasted. Any other means had ways of tricking you or backfiring. Kyle seemed to understand it as well. Hence the reason, he supposed, they both made their own food.

"That's better," Poopatine said, going into the kitchen. This would be a long wait. What was he doing? He was kicking himself for it every step of the way, but he couldn't back out now, and he was seriously regretting it.

FBaCC

Sigmund and Kyle stood awkwardly together. After a moment Kyle said, "So, I suppose I should show you to your room?"

"About time," Sigmund replied.

Kyle frowned but let it slide. "Come along then," he prompted. Sigmund followed him. Kyle opened a door and gestured inside, saying, "All yours."

"How… quaint," Sigmund replied, looking around less than impressed. "At least it iz furnished und has room far mein things."

"Things?" Kyle asked.

Sigmund snapped his fingers and suddenly the room was filled! Kyle gasped. "Uf course. Ve are brozher's now, remember? I am moving in far who knows how long," Sigmund declared.

"Oh wonderful," Kyle groaned, amazed expression disappearing to distaste.

"Zo, now vat?" Sigmund asked.

Kyle thought a moment, then asked, "Feel up to a board game?"

"Vhy not?" Sigmund agreed, following Kyle's lead.

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Poopatine had just finished the last sandwich when he heard the yelling start. He sharply looked out the door. Oh great, the two were at it again. He scowled and unplugged the grill, then marched swiftly to the door. He threw it open and headed straight for the living room. Barging in he spotted Kyle and Sigmund on the floor tearing into each other, a monopoly game flung everywhere! "Sigmund, Kyle!" Poopatine bellowed.

The two boys froze with gasps and looked sharply over. "Dad!" they exclaimed, leaping up instantly and straightening up.

"What is happening out here!" Poopatine demanded.

"Sigmund tried to cheat!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Uf course I did. How else vas I zupposed to 'ave a chance to vin vith _you_ constantly changing ze rules in order to benefit _yourself_?" Sigmund demanded. "I vas holding ze rule sheet right next to me!"

"That's enough! We are family! Pick up the mess now!" Poopatine ordered. The two boys didn't dare argue. Sulkily they went to the game and began to pack it up.

"Nice going Sigmund," Kyle growled.

"Oh please," Sigmund replied. "Zis vas not _mein_ fault." Soon enough they had packed it up and put it away.

"Into the kitchen," Poopatine directed, pointing. The two obeyed, marching single file inside then sitting at the table. Poopatine went to the sandwiches and returned. He handed them to the boys then took his own and sat.

FBaCC

There was silence as Poopatine rubbed his temples. The two sat, waiting. They knew he was thinking up a lecture for them, and they hung their heads sulkily. Finally he looked up, saying, "If there is a problem, who do you come to if you can't solve it on your own?"

"You," they replied together.

"Exactly. I know this is odd and sudden, but we must adapt if we are to survive. I will not have this family at war with itself. Divided, we cannot stand. We are _family_. I cannot stress this enough, boys, and you need to get used to that. At least until Professor Flan shows up," Poopatine declared.

"We _were_," Kyle defended.

"It vas just ein bit uf sibling rivalry," Sigmund backed up, viciously glaring at Kyle.

"As long as you don't kill each other in the process," Poopatine warned.

There was silence for a time. Soon Sigmund said, "Zis iz going to be harder zen ve thought, isn't it?"

"We'll see," Poopatine replied. After a moment he questioned rather suddenly, "Do you have homework boys?"

"Thankfully not," Kyle replied. "It's far too late to be doing any of _that_." Sigmund stayed quiet.

Poopatine looked at him curiously then pressed, "Sigmund?"

Sigmund cringed, then answered, "I am svamped."

"When is it due?" Poopatine questioned.

"Let's just zay I am running out uf extensions," Sigmund replied, avoiding directly answering.

Poopatine sympathetically shook his head and declared, "After dinner go straight to bed. You'll need your sleep. You can sleep in the Dump Star too, until we get to your set."

"I zuppose," Sigmund agreed, forcing a smile. He was not looking forward to the early morning rising, but he was enjoying being looked after in a normal setting instead of on his own. He was also liking using parental titles.

Poopatine turned to Kyle, saying, "Kyle, I'm hoping I'll be back before you need to leave tomorrow, but in case I'm not your lunch will be on the table along with breakfast."

"Thank you papa," Kyle answered, smiling as he picked up his plate to bring to the kitchen. He rather liked using the terms for father. Kyle soon enough came back out, yawning. "I'm going to bed now," he declared.

"Good choice. Goodnight son," Poopatine said.

"Goodnight papa, night Sigmund," Kyle answered.

"I vish. Night, Kyle," Sigmund answered. Kyle frowned and rolled his eyes, leaving the room.

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Janitor Poopatine watched the eldest boy picking at the sandwich. "Son, what's wrong?" he finally questioned, forcing himself to go into the role of father.

Sigmund looked up at him raising an eyebrow, then back down, answering, "Nussink. I am just feeling… stressed und exhausted."

"I wish you would tell me how I could help you then. As it is, I'm left to guess at solutions. Listen to me, Sigmund. Everything will be fine. I will take care of every detail. If you don't want to go in tomorrow, you don't have to. I'll call and tell him you've fallen ill," Poopatine said.

"Und school?" Sigmund questioned, sitting up straight, now curious.

"In the state you appear to be in, I would recommend taking the rest of the week off," Poopatine answered. "Take the time to catch up on your school work, maybe even get ahead. Do not procrastinate about it. You will still have time to do the things you love. I'll help you with your homework if you need it, and perhaps take you kids to the amusement park on the weekend."

"Ze fair? It has been years…" Sigmund mused aloud, eyes lighting up with a hint of the old sorcerer coming back. At least he was eating again. It seemed as if a mountain of stress had rolled right off of him. His smile fell again, and he said, "But how vill I tell mein boss und teachers?"

"I told you, leave those details to me. You are not on your own anymore," Poopatine replied. "Now go get ready for bed, Sigmund. _I'll_ take the dishes." Sigmund realized, then, that he wasn't feeling intimidated. It felt natural, the man didn't frighten him in the present mindset, though he knew one wrong thing would turn it right back on him, but he was surprised nonetheless.

"Dankeshan fazher. I vill go in to work tomorrow, zough. Goodnight," Sigmund replied, racing off and shoving his empty plate to Poopatine. Poopatine watched after the boy smirking. The smirk, though, soon fell to a concerned expression. Why did he feel he would be discovering a lot more about these two unique children than he felt ready for? How long had they been on their own? How badly had it affected them? He shook off the thoughts and brought the plates to the kitchen. He couldn't do _everything_ for them, that would be too much for them to handle after being alone and fending for themselves so long, but he could certainly do all he could. Funny. He'd never known he had this side to him before. He shot an annoyed look at Brenda as she beeped.

"No 'I told you so's' aloud, Brenda. I'm still not happy with this whole thing," Poopatine replied.


	9. Cover Story

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: I had to look up the difference between sorcerer's and wizard's for this one. Really interesting, actually. I didn't _begin_ to cover the differences here. I'm not big on the cover story, and I could probably improve it, but I stick with the schedule of updates daily.)

Cover Story

"Sigmund. Sigmund, wake up," a voice broke into his thoughts, pulling apart whatever strange dream he'd been having. It was beginning to fade away, but he wished it wouldn't. It made him feel safe and happy, being in this dream, and it was already being erased from memory. No, it couldn't fade. Something important had been in it. Something that had shocked him beyond belief. Please don't leave dream. Then just like that it was gone, only the remembrance of feeling protected and of something important being revealed remaining behind.

"Hmm, vat on Earth? Vat time iz it?" Sigmund muttered, still half asleep.

"One in the morning," the voice answered. A man's? Where was he? All at once everything came flooding back and he sat up with a gasp.

"Vun in ze morning!" Sigmund exclaimed. "I must have slept in!" He leapt out of bed and raced to the dresser, tossing some clothes onto the bed.

"Tell me you're joking," Poopatine replied.

"Nein!" Sigmund exclaimed.

"Breakfast is on the table, and your lunch," Poopatine stated. "I'll warm up the Dump Star."

"Vat?" Sigmund questioned, pausing in order to look back at him.

"You're not used to this, _are_ you?" Poopatine more stated than asked.

"Vell, nein, are _you_?" Sigmund challenged, eyes narrowing.

"Not a chance," Poopatine replied, walking out of the room. Sigmund blinked after him then quickly changed.

FBaCC

The sorcerer raced out into the dining room only to see Poopatine sitting at the table reading a newspaper and sipping coffee. He paused, then went to the table and sat down, forcing himself to go at a slower pace. He looked at the toast, bacon, orange juice, and eggs and licked his lips, settling down to eat. "Hmm, not bad," he remarked to Poopatine. He hadn't had a home cooked meal in a _long_ time. "Better zen I expected from un old low class janitor."

"When you're a gnarled old bachelor you get to learn things," Poopatine replied, ignoring the insult. Sigmund finished the food then brought the dishes to the kitchen. Soon enough he returned, and Poopatine stood, saying, "Let's get going, shall we?"

"Yes," Sigmund agreed, following the man out to the Dump Star. Sigmund yawned tiredly as he sat in the seat and fastened the seatbelt. He was dozing off. A few more minutes wouldn't hurt. He wasn't walking, at least. In seconds he was dead to the world. Poopatine drove towards the place they were supposed to meet the producer at, trying to figure out just what he would say to the man. He glanced over at the boy. The child needed rest, and it didn't take a genius to see it. Probably more desperately than Sigmund _himself_ realized. Perhaps going in to work today was a bad idea. Well, he would deal with it soon.

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Poopatine parked at the address Sigmund had given and looked at the set up. What on Earth were they doing _this_ show on? He looked over at the sleeping boy and almost decided against waking him up, but what had to be done and all that. He lightly shook the boy, saying, "Son, we're there."

Sigmund sleepily blinked awake and looked at the set. Oh he so did not want to be here. He yawned and stretched, then leapt from the Dump Star without a word, walking towards his boss. Janitor Poopatine followed, listening to the boy mutter things in German he probably didn't want translated. "Sigmund, there you are!" a largely overweight man exclaimed, seeing the boy approaching. "Luckily for you, right on time."

"Yes, yes, vhatever. Let us just get zis ovair vith," Sigmund replied, rolling his eyes and boredly waving his hand in a circle, warming up the powers.

"Letter for you, before I forget," the man said. "Classified whatever it is."

Sigmund boredly took it and glanced through it. His eyes widened and his grip tightened. Poopatine noticed the change and raised a curious eyebrow. Sigmund pursed his lips, looking suddenly uncertain and slightly afraid, then tore it up and lit it on fire with his powers. Poopatine's eyes narrowed. Something had gotten to the boy. Unfortunately, he had no time to figure it out.

"You remember which episode we're filming?" the producer questioned.

"Levitate ein building," Sigmund answered, looking boredly at the small structure. "Roll people!" he commanded. Poopatine had to admit, he was impressed with the way the boy commanded things. Or at least tried. Something told him the child was under the thumb of the producer ultimately.

"Actually, we're not using that one. It's only a demonstration," the producer declared.

"Vat?" Sigmund sharply asked, looking at the man with narrowing eyes.

"You're going to levitate the sky scraper," the man declared, pointing behind himself. Sigmund gasped, looking up at it in disbelief.

"Are you insane! _Zis_ early in ze morning? It vill not happen!" Sigmund shot. "I doubt zat at _full_ power I could do it."

"You're going to do it and you're going to succeed," the producer growled.

"But…" Sigmund began.

"No buts. Do the trick first, we'll focus on other details later," the man said. "Rolling!"

Sigmund swallowed. Janitor Poopatine folded his arms tightly, eyes narrowing. He didn't like this. Not one bit. The boy had done a complete one eighty in personality. All of a sudden the ne'er do wrong haughty sorcerer was completely unsure of himself and, what was this? Was that fear he saw? Brenda was making low displeased sounds. Poopatine stroked her arm. He couldn't help but feel protective over the boy, son or not. Sigmund aimed at the building and shot. His face scrunched in concentration, then he hissed in pain. The building hadn't moved. He gasped for breath and cut it off. "I-I cannot do zis," Sigmund panted. "Zis vill take too much power. Vhy, it could knock me out!"

"No trying to get out of it!" the producer barked. "Rolling!"

Sigmund licked his lips and focused again, trying to raise the thing. It began to shake, but all at once he cried out in pain, falling to a knee and holding his head. Poopatine stood up from Brenda. "Not good," he muttered.

"Sigmund, what's wrong with you!" the producer shot. Sighing in annoyance he continued, "The finales are always problems. Get the boy some coffee and 'wake up' pills, if you know what I mean."

Wake up pills? Poopatine definitely didn't like the sound of _that_. Even less when Sigmund never looked up, glaring furiously at the ground. He didn't like being pushed around, Poopatine noted. His pride wouldn't allow it. But what could the boy do? "Oh please, I vill be fine," Sigmund shot as the pills and coffee were held out to him. He pushed them away in annoyance and stood. He focused on the building once more. It began to shake. He cried out in pain but pushed himself to go on. He was shivering, gasping. He suddenly screamed and finally gave up, collapsing to the ground!

FBaCC

"Sigmund!" Poopatine exclaimed. The producer roughly pulled him up.

"Come on sorcerer, this thing needs to be shot," the man declared. Brenda began to beep wildly in protest, and for her sake, so he told himself, Poopatine moved into action racing towards them.

"Take your hands off of him!" Poopatine barked suddenly, pulling the boy from the producer. He knelt in front of the child and brushed back the bangs, examining him for signs of something going seriously wrong. He started on seeing that his nose was bleeding. Wordlessly he held out a tissue which Sigmund instantly took. He'd pushed himself too hard to have actually incited a nose bleed.

"Who are _you_?" the producer demanded.

"I am his father!" Poopatine barked, standing up. "And I don't appreciate the way you're pushing my son beyond his limits. And what is with the 'wake up' pills. I don't recall signing any waiver giving you the right to give him _anything_!"

"Father? The boy _has_ no father," the producer replied.

"The boy _had_ no father," Poopatine corrected. "I've made mistakes in my past, but rest assured I plan on doing everything in my power to make up for them _now_. He's coming home with _me_. You can delay filming for later."

"You have no right…" the director began.

"I'm his parent, I have every right!" Poopatine bellowed. "You refuse I have you arrested for kidnapping! I am taking my child and we are leaving _now_. And I defy any of you to try and stop me."

"Fazher…" Sigmund said in awe.

"Come on, we're leaving," Poopatine stated, taking the boy's hand and leading him away back to the Dump Star. The cast and crew could only stare numbly after them.

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They pulled up to the home. Poopatine parked and heavily sighed. He looked over at Sigmund. The boy was fast asleep. Again. There were four tissues on the ground covered in blood that he would need to deal with. He picked them up and tossed them into the trash receptacle. He looked at the boy debating whether to wake him or not. This time He decided against it. He was through waking him up. The man sighed again, rolling his eyes, and unbuckled the child, picking him up in his arms and carrying him inside. What had he gotten himself into? He brought Sigmund to the sorcerer's bedroom and laid him in the bed. He shook his head, hands on his hips. This child took on too much. He needed to quit while he was ahead. Unfortunately, he sensed Sigmund was too stubborn to. He tucked the boy in and left the room. He checked the time. Five hours before he had to wake Kyle up. Was it worth trying to sleep? Well, he might as well. Better some than none. Actually, on second thought forget it. He was too awake now.

Seven finally came around and Poopatiune went into Kyle's bedroom. Gently he shook him, saying, "Kyle, it's time to get up."

"Mmm, five more minutes daddy," he replied.

"I've let you sleep in as it is. Get up my boy," Poopatine gently coaxed. Kyle sleepily opened an eye and groaned, sitting up and yawning, stretching his muscles. "Breakfast is on the table, the Dump Star is ready for battle. I'll be in the dining room." Kyle nodded tiredly. Poopatine left, and Kyle threw on his clothes, hurrying out to have breakfast. He dared say it was the most enjoyable morning he'd had for a long time, and breakfast was good too.

FBaCC

"So, whatever happened with Sigmund?" Kyle questioned as they drove along.

"They tried to make him lift a skyscraper. I put my foot down and brought him home," Poopatine replied.

"A skyscraper? Why they must be mad! Unlike wizards, sorcerers rely on their own physical and mental being to complete their objectives. We wizards prefer spells, studies, and wands to our own physical toil. Lifting a skyscraper drawing from his own power? Why that could have _killed_ him! Wait… it could have killed him… Why didn't you let him go _through_ with it?" Kyle demanded.

"Kyle!" Poopatine shot.

"Yes, of course, family and all that," Kyle replied.

"I'm fairly sure he's suffering exhaustion, and I plan on keeping him home for the rest of the week so he can rest and catch up on work," Poopatine declared.

"Doctor's appointment?" Kyle questioned, seemingly unconcernedly. As far as he was concerned the sorcerer was getting what was coming to him.

"Tomorrow. _You'll_ be tagging along too," Poopatine said.

"Why me?" Kyle demanded.

"Because I say so," Poopatine answered.

"Harrumph, very well," Kyle relented.

Poopatine drove into the school with the boy. "Remember, keep things as quiet as possible. I will inform your teacher about the plan," he warned.

"Yes sir," Kyle agreed, nodding. "Good. Have a good day, son," he said. Kyle grinned and leapt off of the Dump Star, going to his locker. Now, Poopatine determined, time to talk to Hank.

FBaCC

"Hey Kyle!" two voices exclaimed at once. Kyle cried out in alarm, jumping and turning.

"Fanboy, Chum Chum, what do you want?" Kyle demanded, hands on his hips.

"Oh nothing much," Chum Chum replied.

"We're coming over to your place today," Fanboy stated.

"Since when!" Kyle exclaimed in alarm.

"Since just now," Chum Chum replied.

"Um, you can't! It's, uh, being… repainted? Yes, and there's a mold outbreak, very deadly. It's contaminated!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Really? Well then where are you staying?" Fanboy asked.

"Um… elsewhere?" Kyle replied.

"Hey, you can stay with _us_!" Chum Chum exclaimed.

"Oh heaven forbid," Kyle replied. "If you must know, I'm still in my house. I'm a wizard. Mold, chemicals and contamination don't affect me."

"Really?" Fanboy asked. "I don't recall hearing that anywhere."

"It's, um, a little known fact?" Kyle replied, innocently grinning and shrugging.

"Huh, go figure. We can play chemical's with you now!" Chum Chum exclaimed.

"No! It only works in my house because my home is, err, enchanted, only for me," Kyle covered.

"Something fishy's going on here," Fanboy mused, looking suspicious.

"Fishy? Nothing fishy," Kyle replied. "Well, let's get to class, shall we?" He put his arms around the two and quickly led them towards the classroom, grinning awkwardly all the way.

FBaCC

Janitor Poopatine walked into the staff room and spotted Hank Mufflin by the coffee with Lenny, the two laughing. "Hank, I need to talk to you," Poopatine declared.

"Great Scott, what is it now Russ?" Mufflin questioned, frowning. Lenny watched curiously.

"Oh please, it's not like I speak to you every minute," Poopatine bit. "It's about a student of yours, Kyle."

"Butt kiss? What about him?" Mufflin asked.

Poopatine blinked, then frowned, saying as he looked around at the other staff, "Not here. In private. My closet, now."

Mufflin sighed in annoyance and said, "Fine. Lenny, take charge of the class until I get back."

"Sure thing pop," Lenny replied, saluting. Muffling smiled and ruffled the younger's hair, then boredly he followed the Janitor. Lenny raised a suspicious eyebrow. What was with all the sudden secrecy? Oh well, he just hoped he could control Mufflin's class.

"My you've clicked with him quickly, haven't you?" Poopatine said.

"What can I say, great minds and all that," Mufflin answered as they entered the closet. With that, Poopatine began.

FBaCC

Mufflin's bored expression vanished to shock as Poopatine went through the story. "And that's how it went," Poopatine finished.

"Great Scott, are you mad, man?" Mufflin hissed, keeping his tone low.

"Quite possibly," Poopatine replied helplessly.

"This is beyond ethical limits!" Mufflin exclaimed.

"Since when did you care about _those_?" Poopatine questioned, referencing Lenny.

"Hmm, you may have a point," Mufflin relented. "So, for now you're Kyle and this Sigmund's father. How are you going to explain _that_ one to the doctor?"

"What do you mean?" Poopatine questioned, eyebrow raised.

"Great, _my_ turn to break the law. Here's hoping our old friend Agent Johnson doesn't decide to snoop," Mufflin replied with a dull sigh. He started up Poopatine's Dump Star computer and typed some things down. He pointed at the screen, saying, "The school systems are all linked. I can get into every school on record, including this Milkweed Academy." He typed in some more commands and two files popped up. "Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason and Sigmund the Sorcerer," he declared, opening the files to the picture of the two boys.

"Amazing," Poopatine said. "Go on."

"They have no medical plan, Russ. According to their known records, neither even _have_ a doctor. Kyle's one exception is an orthodontist. To all appearances it would seem they've never gone in to a medical doctor in their _lives_. At least not during their academic 'careers.' No family doctor, no medical plan, no nothing. In fact, I don't believe Kyle's ever had a sick day except once or twice, no record of an appointment or a doctor's note. Sigmund's file is clear of sick days though it mentions a few times he's been to see the school nurse and been sent home. No record of a doctor's appointment or note, and he refused the nurse's offer to call one each time saying he'd deal with it. You take them to the doctor he'll want their medical and family history. You go in saying you're their father, you'll run into a wall of problems. Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason, under parents slash guardians there's nothing listed except N/A, same for Sigmund. Under family subtext siblings neither have anything down. In fact, the only family mentioned on either one is Kyle, who references a Nana. Deceased or still living is undetermined. You'll tell the doctor you're their father, he might look up their school records and blam, walls one and two. What's your story to cover _that_? And say it in a way that'll convince me," Mufflin challenged.

FBaCC

After getting over the shock of Mufflin being relatively clever, Poopatine answered, "Just perfect, more lies. I'm trying to avoid those at all cost. Let's see. What story to come up with…" All at once his eyes lit up. They became hesitant, then looked slightly distant. Mr. Mufflin raised a curious eyebrow. What was with the array of emotions? Suddenly coming back to himself, Poopatine said softly, "Their mother's name was Brenda."

"After your chair?" Mufflin incredulously asked.

"The chair was named after their _mother_," Poopatine corrected, stroking the chair's arm absently. It beeped softly. He fell quiet, thinking, then sighed, looking suddenly sad and tired. Nonetheless he began. "There was a man who fell in love with a German woman named Brenda. She was beautiful, red hair like Kyle's and freckles, a personality like Sigmund's. Sigmund got his hair color from _me_, Kyle got my personality. The man and woman married and a few years after they met, the oldest boy was born. A year after that the younger one came along. Their lives were perfect. Then… then when the youngest was only two years old, the family went to a fair. It was… it was the last time they saw the youngest child. There was an incident by a roller coaster where their three year old happened to have wandered, and the noise startled the parents. Scared for their other child they looked away from the youngest toddler for barely a moment. Just long enough to find their oldest was all right. When they looked back, the baby… the baby was gone."

"No," Mufflin said, eyes intrigued.

"Yes. The family did everything they could to find the child, but for a year there was no word. Brenda became distant and sick. She held onto life clinging to her first born child, but she was deeply depressed. He couldn't stand seeing her like that, so one night he went to her and vowed he would do everything he could to find the boy, swore he wouldn't return home until their youngest child was found. She begged him not to, but they spoke to each other, talked about the boy, and finally she relented and let him go. So he went to search out the lost boy; but… But it took longer than he'd ever expected. Two years passed and he never came back. In that time Brenda had gotten into trouble with some sort of stalker. She never knew when or how, just that he followed her everywhere, tormented her psychologically, and threatened her and her eldest child. Sigmund was only five… Her husband had never returned, her youngest son was gone, and Brenda would never have endured losing her last child, her last love. She couldn't take it anymore, so for his own protection… for his sake she sent him to Milkweed Academy, ensuring he would stay safe." Poopatine trailed off.

"And," Mufflin pried, eyes big and wide.

"I don't know. Perhaps it was the best thing for her to do. She didn't live much longer. Days later her husband returned. He walked into their home and… Long story short he knew something was wrong. He ran up to their room and found her there near death, no hope of survival. Moments later she was gone before she could tell him what had become of their eldest son. He believed the eldest had been taken and killed. As you can see, that wasn't so. Brenda had promised Sigmund she would visit him every day, then one day she just stopped, and Sigmund soon enough learned what had happened to his mother. He was too young to understand… As for Kyle, as I had learned during my search for him he had been kidnapped by a nanny whose British client's two year old son had died under her care. That was all I found. Later I learned that, fearing for her job she'd buried the child and kidnapped Kyle. She took him back and led the parents to believe he was theirs. They found out the deceit when Kyle was of school age, and wanting nothing to do with him they sent him to Milkweed and abandoned him there. As for the children's father… I never saw my children again."

"Go on," Mufflin encouraged.

Poopatine continued, "Milkweed Academy had no clue the two were related. Sigmund was signed in as Sigmund the Sorcerer by his mother, in order to conceal his identity. Kyle's application was filled out with both his first and last name, which they'd learned from the nanny before she was arrested. She had apparently been following us for quite some time. It was pure luck the couple's real child had been named Kyle as well. How was Milkweed to know? Their father… I never forgot I _had_ children, but for so long I'd believed they were both dead. Seeing them again recently… I didn't recognize them. For seven years I believed they were gone. How was I to know the two boys were my children? I heard their first names one day and it didn't click, then I heard Kyle's last name, Sigmund's title which his mother and I had dubbed him with, and everything came into place. I called to them, they both turned from the middle of their argument. I ran to them and over time there were explanations, tearful reunions, anger, and things went from there. Now we're re-bonding as a family once more."

"Are you sure you're just pretending? You've almost convinced _me_ that this isn't an act. It sounds like you're talking about something that actually happened to you," Mufflin said.

"Yes, I suppose…" Poopatine quietly replied.

"Hopefully it'll work. Let's get back to our jobs," Mufflin said. With that, he and Poopatine walked out.


	10. Doctor, Doctor

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: Not sure if I've established this already, but I usually update every day unless I have something else going on. Dr. Acula makes an appearance here. Yes, I know he's a neck surgeon, but that explanation will probably be addressed in a later sequel, depending on how well this story goes over. Don't ask me how he came back to life. I still haven't established that explanation yet. Hope you've all been enjoying. Reviews are very much appreciated. On another note, by the next update this stories title will be changed to: Fanboy and Chum Chum: The Phantom Mage.)

Doctor, Doctor

Kyle nervously chewed on his pencil as the class listened to Lenny teach. Sigmund was at home, so he had no one to panic with him. "Hey guys, not that Lenny's bad or anything, but I wonder what's taking Mr. Mufflin so long," Chum Chum remarked.

Just then the teacher entered looking shocked. Lenny paused, sensing something off, and quickly turned, looking uncertain. That did it. Something weird was definitely going on. He was a little offended Mufflin wasn't confiding in him, but he trusted the teacher's judgement. He guessed. Kyle swallowed. Mr. Mufflin looked right at the wizard then said, "Class, read pages sixteen to twenty in your novel. Kyle, I need to talk to you." Kyle swallowed. It was rare Mufflin addressed him as anything other than suck up or butt kiss. Lenny blinked. Mufflin smirked reassuringly.

"Ooh, you're in trouble," Fanboy whispered.

"Oh please. Let's not be silly," Kyle replied, getting out of his seat and heading towards the teacher's desk. Lenny raised an eyebrow. He turned back to some paper work pretending not to hear. He heard all right. Running a store you got to learn things like that. "Y-yes Mr. Mufflin?" Kyle asked, coming up to him.

"I'll play your game for now, but you and Sigmund had better go over the details with your father again," Mufflin warned. Father, Lenny wondered? He didn't even know Kyle _had_ a father. And a brother named Sigmund? Well this was interesting. Wait, what did Mufflin mean by game? Something was off.

"Oh thank you sir," Kyle exclaimed.

"You know you're treading dangerously, right?" Mufflin asked.

"Of course sir," Kyle agreed.

"Good. Back to your seat," Mufflin stated. Kyle nodded and returned. Mufflin looked over at Lenny and said flat out, "Don't bother with questions. It's not what it sounds like." Lenny started. Mufflin had known he'd overheard? He grinned innocently, shrugging.

"What happened Kyle?" Chum Chum asked as Kyle returned to his desk.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," Kyle replied.

FBaCC

Lunch time rolled around and Kyle sat in the cafeteria listening to Fanboy and Chum Chum's antics with an annoyed expression as they talked endlessly about things he didn't really care for. Well, there were _some_ things he got into, but other than that nothing. At least the lunch his 'dad' had made had been excellent. "Hey Kyle, why is Janitor Poopatine beckoning you?" Fanboy suddenly asked.

"Poop," Chum Chum chimed.

Speak of the devil… Kyle started and looked quickly up. Poopatine was motioning for him to come over. "Oh, no reason," Kyle answered. "I'll just go see what he wants." He leapt up and hurried away before his best friends could press.

Fanboy and Chum Chum exchanged curious looks. "Chum Chum, something's rotten in Galaxy Hills," Fanboy sang.

"_I'll_ say. Too bad we don't know what," Chum Chum uncertainly replied. "Hey, let's play gum wars!"

"All right!" Fanboy exclaimed.

FBaCC

"What is it dad?" Kyle questioned, coming up to the man.

"I'd like you to go home and check on your brother," Poopatine replied. "See how he's doing."

"Must I really?" Kyle whined.

"You would prefer to join your best friends in their bubble game?" Poopatine questioned, pointing back. Kyle looked back and blinked on seeing the two blowing huge bubbles and trapping each other in the mess.

"Point taken," Kyle remarked, cringing. "Very well."

Poopatine smirked and handed over a five dollar bill, saying, "Good boy. Get yourself a treat on your way."

"Oh do you really mean it!" Kyle exclaimed. "Thank you sir!" He snatched the money, conjured up a broom, then flew away.

"Slow down before you break your neck on that thing!" Poopatine called after him. Brenda beeped and whistled. "Yes I admit it sounded paternal. It just slipped out, okay?" Poopatine retorted.

FBaCC

Kyle climbed off the broom holding a chocolate bar and walked into his house towards Sigmund's room. He opened the door quietly and peeked in. "Still asleep? Really now, how exhausted could you _be_?" Kyle questioned, walking in and going to his 'brother's' bed, checking his temperature. He started on feeling it. Sigmund was burning up! He looked sharply down. His 'big brother' began to cough violently. Kyle gasped, falling back. Whatever the sorcerer had caught, _he_ didn't _want_ it. Sigmund's coughing fit stopped, and the sorcerer settled back shivering.

"Mom…" Sigmund weakly and painfully muttered in sleep.

"Oh, this could be bad," Kyle remarked, cringing. When someone was calling for a mother, for the love of all things good and evil it wasn't good. "Sigmund! Sigmund, wake up!" Kyle exclaimed, shaking him.

"Kyle…? Daddy…" he groaned in sleep. The German fell into another coughing fit.

"Oh dear, what to do?" Kyle asked aloud, pacing the room nervously. He was clueless. Sigmund needed some sort of care or some home remedy or some sort of comfort. Wizard or not, _he_ had _nothing_! Something told him he was the _last_ comfort Sigmund wanted. Wait a moment? He froze, eyes lighting up. Why was he taking this whole burden upon _himself_? _He_ didn't need to do _anything_. That was a _father's_ job! He grinned. Bingo! Quickly turning to Sigmund Kyle called, "Hold on a spot Sigmund, I'll get dad!"

Kyle grabbed out his crystal ball and conjured up the image of the school. "You've reached the desk of Hank Mufflin. What can I do ya for?" Mr. Mufflin replied, picking up his desk phone.

"Mr. Mufflin, it's Kyle, I need to speak to my father immediately!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Hold on," Mufflin boredly said.

There was a long pause. Finally the janitor's voice came on line asking, "Kyle, what is it?"

"Dad, Sigmund's sick. He's having coughing fits, his temperature is through the roof, and he's shivering excessively," Kyle replied.

"Oh just peachy. All right, I'll see if I can get off work. Stay there until I arrive. I'll tell Mr. Mufflin you might be late," Poopatine stated.

"Yes sir. I say it's quite handy to have family on the faculty," Kyle remarked.

FBaCC

Kyle heard the door open. The janitor was finally here! He hurried to it saying, "There you are papa!"

"How's he doing?" Poopatine questioned.

"I'm not sure," Kyle answered, bringing Poopatine to the room.

Poopatine sat on the side of the bed and felt the boy's forehead. He pursed his lips. He didn't like the way it felt. "Has he woken up?"

"He's muttered, but I simply cannot wake him," Kyle answered.

"All right. Bring me a cold damp cloth with a bucket of water then go back to school. I'll take it from here," Poopatine declared. He hadn't realized children could throw off a schedule so much, but surprisingly he found he didn't mind it. Kyle nodded then poofed one up. Poopatine blinked then said, "That'll work too." He took the cloth and pressed it to the older boy's forehead.

"He'll be alright?" Kyle questioned.

"I thought you two _hated_ each other," Poopatine said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well are we supposed to be brother's or not?" Kyle challenged.

"Good answer," Poopatine replied with a smirk. "Get back to school, son. There's nothing more we can do. Tomorrow you two have that doctor's appointment."

"If he lives that long," Kyle cynically said.

"Come now Kyle, have a little faith," Poopatine said. "Chances are it's just a fever."

"Very well. Ta ta, dad," Kyle called back. Kyle coughed as he left and Poopatine started, looking sharply back. Oh, that couldn't be a good sign. Something told him he would soon have his hands full with two very sick children. He supposed he should call Kyle back, but maybe the boy would be able to fight it off.

FBaCC

It was midnight. Poopatine was sleeping in Sigmund's room, head on the dresser. This whatever the boy had had, had taken a turn for the worse. He was awakened by a knocking at the door. He looked vaguely over and Kyle entered, groaning. "Kyle?" Poopatine questioned.

"Papa, I don't feel good," Kyle groaned, holding his stomach and clinging onto his stuffed toy. Admiral Fluffington, the janitor believed it was. Poopatine had known this would happen. He'd just _known_ it. He sighed.

"Come here," Poopatine said. Kyle went over. Poopatine felt his forehead and frowned. A high fever; just like his brother. "You probably caught what _he_ did. All right, come on. Let's get you back to your room." Kyle meekly nodded and let his father lead him back and tuck him in. It would figure he'd get sick as well. Poopatine took the boy's wand and waved it, poofing up a cold towel and placing it on Kyle's head. He went out and soon returned with some lemon honey tea which Kyle sipped. The child soon fell asleep again, calming down. The remedy worked, if only slightly. Good. Now he could go to bed, though he supposed he'd have to be ready for anything.

FBaCC

Sigmund awoke with a painful groan, looking around. Morning? How long had he _slept_? He sat up weakly and looked around helplessly. He staggered out of his bedroom and went out into the living room. His eyes fell on a figure sitting on a chair and reading a book while sipping tea. "Fazher?" he questioned weakly. The young boy was taken aback at how weak his voice sounded.

Poopatine glanced up. He looked at the boy then relaxed with a relieved sigh, saying, "You're awake. Thank goodness." He hadn't said anything about how worried he'd really been about both of them. It was more than a regular fever that the boys had had.

"Vat time iz it?" Sigmund questioned.

"Ten. Kyle's still asleep, sick with whatever _you_ have. I've called the school to inform them you two aren't coming in. You have a doctor's appointment at four," Poopatine replied. Sigmund's stomach growled and the sorcerer looked down at it. "I'll get you some soup," Poopatine said, hearing it. "I want you to stay in bed. Do homework and whatnot, but stay in bed."

"Nonzense. I feel fine," Sigmund argued, brushing off the concern.

"Do you now?" Poopatine replied in a thinly veiled challenging tone.

Sigmund paused and hesitated. In all honesty, he felt nauseous. In fact, he didn't really want anything to eat for fear he'd throw up. "Fine, I vill stay," Sigmund relented with an exasperated sigh. "But I do not vant food."

"Better to throw up something than nothing," Poopatine declared, understanding immediately. Sigmund tossed this around and realized that he had a point. Finally he nodded and went back to his room with the janitor. He lay down, holding the cold towel back onto his forehead. Poopatine ruffled his hair and walked out, bringing back the soup. Sigmund drank it slowly, being sure not to eat too fast. That wouldn't help him in the least now.

FBaCC

"Dad!" a voice called just then. Kyle.

"Coming, Kyle!" Poopatine called, patting Sigmund's head then hurrying out. He went into Kyle's room and looked at the boy. "What's wrong?"

"I feel quite nauseous," Kyle replied, clutching his stomach. He gagged and Poopatine stiffened. Oh this could only go one place. He knew the signs well enough. What else did you expect from a janitor?

"Drat," he said, hurrying over and taking his hand, quickly bringing him towards the bathroom.

"Papa," Kyle groaned fearfully. He hated throwing up. Poopatine noticed him retch. Oh he had no time for this walking business. He picked the boy up and ran. Poopatine quickly threw open the toilet, letting Kyle lean. The boy threw up almost instantly, clinging to his stomach. Poopatine put a gentle hand on his back, rubbing it. It always had worked for him when _he_ was sick as a child. Kyle sobbed and threw up again.

"Easy, son, easy," Poopatine soothed. The boy soon stopped and groaned. "Better?" Poopatine questioned. Kyle meekly nodded and rose. He cleaned out his mouth then returned to the bed holding his stomach. Poopatine pulled out a bucket and put it next to his bed. "There you go," Poopatine said.

"I simply detest being sick," Kyle complained.

"Don't we all," Poopatine replied. Just then the phone rang. Poopatine frowned. What now? He picked it up, greeting, "Hello?"

"Mr. Bloodworth-Thomason!" a voice exclaimed in shock.

"Professor Flan," Janitor Poopatine answered.

"What!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Rest," Poopatine warned. Kyle moaned weakly and settled back down.

"Is this a bad time?" Flan questioned.

"Unfortunately my children are very sick. I apologize for any inconvenience, if you were planning to come tonight," Poopatine replied.

"Oh no need to apologize," Flan said, still seeming flustered.

"Something wrong, Professor? Didn't expect me to pick up?" Poopatine asked, inwardly laughing at the man's discomfort.

"N-no, well that is, I mean, um, I have to go!" Flan exclaimed, hanging quickly up.

"What did he say?" Kyle anxiously wondered.

"Nothing," Poopatine replied. "Just wished you and Sigmund well. Speaking of your brother, I need to check on him. Are you all right now?"

"Fine," Kyle answered. Poopatine nodded then headed to Sigmund's room.

FBaCC

He'd gone back and forth between the two boys all day long. That doctor had better have a solution for all their problems. The boys staggered into the waiting room, their father holding their hands, and sat weakly, groaning. "Ve do not need ein doctor," Sigmund protested.

"I'm sure," Poopatine replied.

"A wizard is perfectly capable of healing himself," Kyle pouted.

"Says the boy who was throwing up all day," Poopatine bit.

"Veakling," Sigmund scoffed at Kyle

"You slept over twenty-four hours and could hardly move a finger all day," Kyle shot back.

"Enough boys," Poopatine warned. The two fell silent, not feeling up to arguing right then. The janitor went up to the desk, saying, "Appointment for Kyle and Sigmund Bloodworth-Thomason."

"Of course sir. I'll inform Dr. Acula," the receptionist replied, leaving.

Poopatine sat back down with them, saying, "Now, naturally the first concern is whatever you two have, but I'm going to talk to him about your potential exhaustion, Sigmund, as well as some other concerns. The both of you need to answer his questions as honestly as possible. If you run into a wall, I'll take over."

"Yes sir," they chimed together. Poopatine playfully nudged them, smirking. The two grinned, pushing him back.

"Bloodworth-Thomason's," the receptionist called just then. The three rose and followed her towards the back room.

FBaCC

"Good evening, Mr. Poopatine and sons. Take a seat," Dr. Acula declared. "You do not mind if I use your middle name? So much shorter than Bloodworth-Thomason."

"Not at all," Poopatine replied.

"So, vhat seems to be ze problem?" the doctor questioned.

Pointing to Sigmund, Poopatine replied, "High fever, nausea, excessive shivering and weakness. The boy was hardly able to lift a finger all day. He's been in bed sleeping for over twenty-four hours, but I suspect he's suffering from exhaustion. More on that later." Pointing to Kyle he narrated, "High fever, throwing up all day, shivering but not as much as his brother and less muscular weakness."

"Hmm, do not like ze zounds of zat," Dr. Acula mused. "And you, Mr. Poopatine? Any symptoms yet?"

"None," Poopatine answered.

"It sounds like a severe case of the flu, but I vill have to do a few tests," Dr. Acula said.

"Severe flu!" the three exclaimed in alarm. The last thing the boys wanted was to be bed-ridden for the next few days.

"Don't worry yourselves. I shall do all I can to help your sons Mr. Poopatine, and to ensure you won't get it as well," the doctor assured. The three exchanged looks.

FBaCC

Tests were conducted, Poopatine waiting impatiently for the doctor to finish. "Such tender necks," he heard the doctor mutter to the boys, and instantly he stiffened, eyes narrowing. Tender necks? Where had _that_ come from? The two children shot the doctor an appalled look, then looked fearfully at the janitor, eyes seeming to plead with him to get them away from the doctor. Poopatine nodded, silently assuring them nothing would happen, but they needed to be treated. Finally the doctor stopped and said, "It is done. My suspicions are confirmed. Mr. Poopatine, I vant to speak to you alone." He beckoned the man to follow. Instantly alarmed, Poopatine looked from one boy to the next. That couldn't be good.

"I'll be right back boys," Poopatine said to the children. With that he followed him out. "What is it?" Poopatine quickly asked.

"About your children. I'm seeing signs of some other things in both of them that could be crippling," Dr. Acula said.

"Such as…?" Poopatine fished.

"Mr. Poopatine, I suspect your eldest son, Sigmund, may be suffering from bouts of depression. Few and far between, but still likely. Now he may not even know it himself, he's egotistical, haughty, arrogant, nonchalant, but as well as being his personality, it could also mean high stress level and severe exhaustion, vich you vere right about. Your youngest, Kyle, appears to suffer from low self-esteem and seems to have an inferiority complex, especially prominent regarding his brother but noticeable in other regards. His low self-esteem, higher than thou attitude, and arrogance can explain his loneliness and reluctance to accept friendships, as vell as his desperation to impress and leave behind his sibling. He is far more cynical and jaded than most children his age. In fact it is slightly concerning. There may be bouts of depression there as well. Sigmund is far more laid back than Kyle," the doctor narrated.

"I suppose it's not much of a surprise," Poopatine admitted, looking worriedly into the room where Sigmund was cruelly taunting Kyle and Kyle was crossing his arms and sulking, biting back when he could but always being knocked back down. Wait a moment. Why was he worried anyway? Not like he cared. They had their own parents… somewhere. At least he thought they might. This was all just make believe. Why wasn't it alleviating his fears like he'd hoped, then?

"Sibling rivalry. You must love it. It may even be healthy for them both. It's probably really helping them. It seems like they haven't had it for a vhile, though. Strange," the doctor mused.

"Thank you doctor. I'll be in touch," Poopatine replied.

"It is my pleasure," Doctor Acula replied. "Ve four vill get along just fine," Acula added, licking his lips as he looked towards the children. Poopatine resisted the urge to threaten him. Something was off about this doctor, yes, but he highly doubted it was what the boys were fearful of. Or what he was getting agitated over. Nonetheless, he wouldn't even be leaving them alone with this strange doctor.

"Kyle, Sigmund, let's go," Poopatine called. The two looked curiously up then slid from their seats going to him.


	11. Dinner With Flan

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Kidnapper**_

(A/N: Second up today. They have everything in relative order. So they think. But will it be enough to get through this dinner with their professor? In fact, with Boog out for revenge will they even survive that long?)

Dinner With Flan

"I am not depressed und exhausted," Sigmund protested. Poopatine sighed, rolling his eyes. He was fast getting a headache with all their protests, verbal attacks on each other, and complaining.

"I most certainly do not have low self-esteem and depression! I just… prefer to be alone," Kyle answered.

"Good, zat vill be no trouble for you zen," Sigmund insulted.

"Oh go crawl under a rock! Oh wait, you're already there!" Kyle bit back.

"Inferiority complex," Sigmund sang.

"Oh nuts to you!" Kyle yelled. "It's no wonder with all your over compensating. Stealing my friends, throwing parties the same day as my birthday, lording everything and anything over my head!"

"I vill say it again, inferiority complex," Sigmund retorted.

"Says Sigmund the Depressed, you arrogant jerk!" Kyle barked.

"I am not suffering depression! Exhaustion und stress, maybe, but not depression!" Sigmund shouted. "Zat iz more your sing."

"Hey!" Kyle barked.

Janitor Poopatine screeched to a stop in the dump star and pulled over glaring furiously back at the two. "All right, that's enough! If I hear another peep out of either of you, you'll be walking the rest of the way home!" The two blinked at him then folded their arms, sulking. Still, neither said another word, and Poopatine drove the rest of the way in blessed silence.

FBaCC

"Check the mail, Kyle," Poopatine ordered as they pulled to a stop. Kyle sighed and leapt out, checking the box as Sigmund and Poopatine walked to the door. They were stopped, though, when Kyle screamed. Quickly they whirled, gasping.

"Vhat? Vhat iz it!" Sigmund demanded instantly.

"He's coming tomorrow night!" Kyle exclaimed in panic, shoving the letter in Sigmund's face. Sigmund blinked and grabbed it, reading quickly with Kyle over his shoulder.

"So soon?" Sigmund quietly asked, and Kyle was taken aback by the change in tone.

Kyle looked back at Poopatine uncertainly then said, "I should hardly think we'll be better by then. Perhaps we can postpone?"

"Best to get it over with quickly, boys," Poopatine answered. The two looked back at him reluctantly, then down at the letter.

"Then… you're going to leave, aren't you?" Kyle questioned. Poopatine raised a curious eyebrow at the tone.

Before Poopatine could reply, Sigmund quickly changed the subject, saying, "I zuppose tomorrow ve vill be preparing all day?"

"This musn't disappoint him if we're to have any hope of realizing our ambitions," Kyle confirmed.

"Vunderbar," Sigmund sarcastically said, rolling his eyes and casually tossing the letter back. Poopatine caught it and let the boys precede him inside. He looked at the letter uncertainly then followed. It seemed quite soon, really. Perhaps _too_ soon?

FBaCC

"Quickly, we must prepare this dinner post haste!" Kyle exclaimed, racing around the kitchen and pulling out recipe books the next day.

"Suck up," Sigmund stated.

"His teacher's words exactly," Poopatine replied, un-amused. The two chuckled.

"I shall have you both know this supper means absolutely everything to me!" Kyle exclaimed. "Besides, Sigmund, it may well be your chance to get back into Professor Flan's good graces."

Sigmund started, blinked, then raced to the recipe books, saying, "Appetizer vill be crab cakes und a shrimp cocktail. Drink vill be raspberry cordial in honor of his flavor. Side dishes vill be cream uf broccoli soup und Cesar salad."

"Main dishes!" Kyle exclaimed, racing past and tossing him a main dish book. Sigmund looked questioningly at him. Was he asking an opinion? As if sensing the other's confusion, Kyle hastily explained, "As much as it pains me to admit it, I trust your judgement in this regard implicitly, big brother."

"Danke, little brother," Sigmund replied, flipping swiftly through, smirking in half amusement half victory. "Roast potato vith various spices und a hint of lemon. Chicken cordon bleu vith stuffing."

"Dessert's," Kyle announced, handing him the dessert book.

"Raspberry flan, preferably," Sigmund wryly declared. Kyle burst into sudden and slightly insane laughter, startling Poopatine. Sigmund joined in, then declared as he got a hold of himself, "Chocolate mousse, coffee to vash it down if he vants."

Poopatine shook his head worriedly at the two then wrote down the menu choices and looked over the recipe books, seeing what ingredients were needed and what they had. He sighed, saying distastefully, "The grocery bill will be through the roof. Come along, lads, we're going shopping. His chair sadly beeped and he looked back at it. Taking the mechanical hands it stretched out, he said, "There, there Brenda. We'll be back soon. Don't worry yourself.

"You do not know how veird it iz to be in un intimate relationship vith your chair, do you?" Sigmund questioned, frowning. Poopatine started and glared at the boy, unimpressed. Sigmund backed down instantly.

"Never you mind," Poopatine answered. "Let's go."

FBaCC

"It's your fault he kicked us out of the store and sent us walking home, you know," Kyle bit at Sigmund as the two walked away from the store sulkily.

"_My_ fault? I beg to differ, little brother," Sigmund shot back.

"Everything's your fault! Everything bad that has ever happened to me in my life has been because of _you_!" Kyle barked.

"I cannot take all of ze credit, constipator," Sigmund insulted.

"So, much for acting like brothers," Kyle said.

"On ze contrary, zis iz very sibling like," Sigmund replied, shrugging.

"Hey brace face!" a voice called suddenly. Kyle screamed, leaping into Sigmund's arms and staring ahead in horror. Sigmund, surprised, looked ahead to see what had caused the reaction.

"Boog!" Kyle exclaimed. Then he noticed who he'd leap into and the two blinked blankly at each other. Eyes narrowing, Sigmund threw him down. He yelped in pain, but something told him whatever Boog had planned would be worse.

"I remember you. You owe me a boppin'," Boog said.

"A vat now?" Sigmund questioned, looking unimpressed. In response, Boog punched his fist in his hand and Sigmund started, catching on instantly. "Kyle, vat did you do?" he demanded, frowning at the younger.

"Insulted him? Putting it mildly," Kyle answered, innocently grinning.

"And now, the dweeb's gonna pay," Boog said. With a battle cry he lunged. Kyle gaped, frozen. Sigmund scowled then raised his hand waving it. Boog ran right into a force field. "What the…" Boog began. Kyle gasped and looked at Sigmund in shock.

"I am unimpressed vith zis invasion on mein claim. Get zis through your head, Herr Boog. Kyle iz mein victim und target. I am not inclined to share annihilating mein little brozher vith _you_," Sigmund stated. "If anyvun gets to destroy Kyle ze Constipator, it iz me." Sigmund, however, made the mistake of closing his eyes as he finished the sentence, and Boog punched at him!

Sigmund cried out in pain and flew back, sliding across the cement. Kyle gasped. Sigmund shook his head and looked up in shock. Boog was lunging again! Sigmund was too shocked to move! As Boog neared he instinctively closed his eyes and cried out. Kyle gasped and grabbed out his wand, waving it. Sigmund's eyes opened only to see the large fist millimeters from his face. He gasped and looked over at Kyle in shock. "Well I couldn't very well let him get away with that. Remember papa's declaration? We act like brothers until it all blows over, including protecting each other," Kyle explained.

"What's goin' on here?" Boog asked aloud. He turned to Kyle and attacked. Kyle turned and ran. He tripped however, and rolled over only to see Boog about to crush him! Sigmund leapt up and raced towards them, diving and shoving Kyle out of the way.

"Back to ze grocery store!" he ordered, getting off of Kyle and dragging him up. Boog was lunging. The two turned tail and fled. Just then, however, they slammed into someone and fell to the ground. They looked up with gasps and then became relieved.

"Janitor Poopatine!" they both exclaimed, cheering.

"About time you two worked together," Poopatine replied, rolling his eyes. They turned around to watch Boog.

Boog, surprised, slid to a halt exclaiming, "Whoa!" He met the Janitor's eyes. Poopatine's arms were folded, fingers drumming. Boog swallowed then instantly bolted. He did _not_ want to face the janitor at the moment. From what he'd seen and heard of this Poopatine, the guy wasn't one to mess with. Not that he couldn't take him, he just didn't want to.

"Fazher!" Sigmund exclaimed. "Vhen did _you_ get here?"

"Around the same time Boogregard ran at Kyle," Poopatine replied. "Now come along children, dinner awaits." They numbly nodded and followed. As they came up to him he smirked, saying, "I'm proud of you two. You're getting a clue."

"Um, dankeshan?" Sigmung replied, not used to being complimented. Poopatine chuckled and handed some of the grocery bags to the boys.

FBaCC

The trio returned and instantly began cooking the meal. After a few mishaps, arguments, and some playful throwing of ingredients at each other in a bit of a game they'd decided to play in order to break the tense atmosphere, it was all prepared and the three sank back into the couch laughing over their latest game. "Ze kitchen iz ein mess!" Sigmund exclaimed.

"No problem there. We have a janitor as a father," Kyle answered, grinning up at Poopatine.

Poopatine grinned conspiratorially and picked up a wand, zapping the cleaning supplies into animation. "So much easier this way," he explained.

"No ze Sorcerer's Apprentice mishaps?" Sigmund teased.

"Not anymore," Poopatine answered.

"That mess in the school was quite chaotic, wasn't it?" Kyle asked, smiling.

"So boys, is there anything else you need to go over regarding spells and such?" Poopatine questioned.

"Seeing ze way ze cleaning things are responding to your spell, I vould zink you vere an old hand at zis if I did not know any better," Sigmund answered, raising an eyebrow.

"Hopefully it'll be enough to fool the walking tart," Kyle said.

Just then the doorbell rang and Kyle gasped, exclaiming, "He's here!" All his anxiety and nervousness came flooding back.

"Calm down, son, I'll get it," Poopatine declared, ruffling the boy's hair. "Just sit there with your brother and wait."

"Y-yes sir," Kyle agreed, meekly nodding and twiddling his thumbs uncertainly.

"Nevair going to vork, Kyle," Sigmund sang.

"Oh shut it," Kyle replied, sitting down on the couch next to Sigmund, too preoccupied to argue.

FBaCC

Poopatine opened the door only to have the Professor, whose eyes were shut, saying, "What little tricks do you have in mind to impress me now young Kyle? I suppose your father and brother left unexpectedly."

"Professor Flan," Poopatine said loudly, eyes narrowing. Nope, he still didn't like the man.

Professor Flan gasped as his eyes flew open, and he stared at Janitor Poopatine in shocked disbelief. "Oh M-Mr. Bloodworth-Thomason! H-how do you do?" he stammered, too taken aback to form a confident and coherent sentence.

"Quite well, thank you. May I show you to the den? My boys are very anxious to see you; Kyle in particular. I expect you have an apology ready to deliver," Poopatine declared, putting an arm around the man and leading him swiftly towards the den before the other could regain his confidence. He wasn't about to lose the control he held in this predicament to the snobbery of Milkweed. They entered the living room, Poopatine saying, "Sigmund, Kyle, Professor Flan is here."

"Professor Flan!" Kyle exclaimed, leaping up nervously. "Welcome to my, I mean our, house. Uh, a-are you staying for dinner?"

"I believe I told you that already, young Bloodworth-Thomason," Professor Flan declared.

"Oh, yes, of course, my mistake," Kyle stammered.

"Vun of your many," Sigmund stated. Kyle nudged him hard. Sigmund scowled and looked ready to attack when Poopatine cleared his throat loudly, putting a stop to it.

"Please, have a seat," Poopatine suggested, gesturing to an easy chair.

"I shall, thank you," Flan replied, sitting. Kyle meekly sat, looking fearful and nervous. Poopatine shook his head with a sigh and sat next to Kyle and Sigmund, placing himself between the children and the professor as a strategic buffer zone; if only to ease the boys' worries.

FBaCC

"So, if I recall correctly you wanted to meet with the family," Poopatine said.

"Why yes. Um, is the misses at home?" Flan questioned.

"Sadly, their mother is no longer with us," Poopatine stated.

"Oh? Well that I never knew," Flan said.

"It vasn't any uf your business," Sigmund said coldly.

"What was that Master Sigmund?" Flan questioned

"Never mind the boy. He still gets upset when she's mentioned," Poopatine declared. "As do I. If we could just steer clear of her?"

"My apologizes Mr, what was it again?" Flan pressed.

"Russ Poopatine Bloodworth-Thomason," Janitor Poopatine replied.

"Ah, how interesting," Flan said. "So, what do you do for a living Mr. Poopatine? You don't mind if I use your middle name?"

"Not at all. I'm a janitor," Poopatine replied.

"Uh, of, um, Dumbledorf, uh, Thorin?" Kyle stammered.

"Vat he means iz he iz ze gatekeeper and caretaker of ze prestigious Thistlebrook Academy!" Sigmund said, covering with a more believable story and a fancier sounding career.

"No, just the janitor of an everyday school," Poopatine said. "Not an impressive career, I must admit, but it enables me to be close to my children in order to catch up on some long missed father son's time."

"Long missed?" Flan pressed.

"That is something that we prefer not to speak of, Professor Flan," Poopatine declared firmly.

"I see. Mr. Bloodworth-Thomason, I would like us to be completely honest with each other," Flan declared.

"Would you now? Well then, Professor Flan, what are your mystical accomplishments? Credentials, quests, etc. You must understand I only want the best for my children," Poopatine declared.

Flan cleared his throat then stated, "That is classified, sir."

"Then you can be assured I have my own 'classified' areas," Poopatine firmly said. There was no room for argument.

"Oh look at the time! Dinner! Shall we enter the dining room then?" Kyle nervously asked, grinning.

"Yes, why don't we?" Professor Flan asked.

"The cleaning supplies," Sigmund hissed. Kyle gasped. Poopatine winked at them, however, and they knew he had it covered.

Flan headed towards the dining room. Poopatine went to follow, but Kyle grabbed his arm, hissing, "Janitor?"

"I hate to agree vith Kyle, but in zis case I make un exception," Sigmund agreed.

"Trust my judgement boys. I know how to handle this. He wants a mage, he'll get a mage. You've taught me enough for that," Poopatine said.

"We haven't taught you _anything_!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Patience, children, you won't get anywhere with your professor by lying," Poopatine assured.

"Who says?" Kyle asked.

"Me," Poopatine answered. "Come along now, my sons, we have your teacher to impress."

FBaCC

They sat at the table, Professor Flan on one end, Poopatine on the other, Kyle on the side in the middle, and Sigmund opposite him. "Where is the food?" Flan questioned.

"The food!" Kyle exclaimed, shooting up.

"It's coming," Poopatine answered, waving his wand in the air. All at once a group of dishes floated out of the kitchen and assembled on the table in front of them. Kyle, shaking, sat back down. He wasn't on his own here. He needed to calm down. This wouldn't be another disaster like the dinner he'd had with Sigmund. Thank the fates for Fanboy and Chum Chum. Of course it hadn't worked out anyway, but still.

"Oh my. You know magic. A mage, are you?" Flan questioned.

"Yes, in fact," Poopatine answered, snapping his fingers and calling the lids to come off of the dishes.

"My word it looks delicious," Flan exclaimed.

"I vould hope so. Ve three worked on it far hours," Sigmund stated as he and Kyle smiled proudly at Janitor Poopatine then each other. Poopatine chuckled softly and took a sip of his drink, smiling back at them.

"Well it's certainly better than last time," Flan declared.

"This time I had dad and Sigmund's help," Kyle proudly said.

"Well I must say, so far I've been impressed," Flan declared. "But I wonder, boys, if you can keep up this charade for much longer?"

"Charade?" Kyle and Sigmund squeaked. Was he onto them?

"You, Kyle, are a trouble maker; Sigmund, you too proud for your own good. Any moment now I expect something to go wrong. Frankly, I don't trust you two," Flan declared.

"But sir…" Kyle began to protest.

"That's enough! I haven't seen enough to convince me," Flan stated.

"But, but…" Sigmund stammered.

"Boys, allow me," Poopatine said. "Professor Flan, I'm unimpressed with your treatment of my children. While I'm present at that," he began, holding his hand towards the professor and clenching his fist. Flan gasped for air and pried at the invisible grasp on his throat as Poopatine lifted him into the air. "Kyle isn't responsible for his friends' actions, Sigmund is simply having a hard time with his mother's death and the extra responsibilities he took on in order to try and fill in for her. But really he needn't worry. I am more than capable to provide for us all, son. I never asked for your backup." Sigmund looked quietly down and Poopatine continued, "If I were him _I_ would act out too. I will not have you insulting my sons, are we clear?"

"Crystal," Flan choked as the grip tightened.

"Good," Poopatine said, putting the man back down. "Their father is here now, the brothers reunited. They are not fending for themselves anymore, they are not on their own, and I will not have you playing dirty in my home. Behave yourself when you're on our turf."

"My apologies," Professor Flan replied, rubbing his throat. "It was out of my limits. I suppose I can review your youngest son's application, but there are a few more steps to get through before I can let him back in. Procedure you must understand."

"Oh vunderbar, I vill be in ze same school as my little brozher. _Again_," Sigmund sarcastically said, rolling his eyes and taking a bite of the food.

"Maybe, maybe not. Frankly I believe you two would do better at this school you're in now," Flan answered. The boys exchanged glances, not sure if it was an insult or not. Poopatine wasn't reacting, though, so they let it slide. The group finished off dinner relatively uneventfully.


	12. Taken

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Mage**_

(A/N: Any characters not in the canon of the fiction I'm writing under are not OC's and are only put there to further the plot. If possible I turn them into canon characters of the show if any come into development afterwards. Hence the reason I don't use names. For instance my first thought was to make Flan the main antagonist of this story, except I don't think he'd go this far. He'd really have no reason to.)

Taken

Poopatine noticed the boys' silence as they ate breakfast the next morning. He raised an eyebrow and asked, "What's wrong now? It's over, isn't it?"

"For now," Sigmund answered.

"I suppose this means you'll be leaving soon?" Kyle questioned.

"Und bringing me to stay in a small shack?" Sigmund asked in distaste, thinking of the janitor's shed.

"That was the deal as I understood it," Poopatine answered.

"Yes it was, wasn't it?" Kyle quietly asked.

Poopatine looked quietly at the children then said, "If you need back-up again, I _am_ willing to help you Kyle."

"Und I suppose I vill have to help too," Sigmund said with an annoyed and frustrated sigh. "Ugh, vat have I gotten into?" he asked as he picked up the newspaper Poopatine had put down.

"Thank you," Kyle replied.

"Hmm, zat new movie iz playing in ze theatre," Sigmund suddenly remarked, looking at the paper.

"Ooh you don't mean…" Kyle excitedly began.

"Yeah!" Sigmund confirmed, eyes lighting up in intrigue.

"Why I've been waiting for that for goodness knows how long!" Kyle exclaimed. "Papa, please can we go? Please, please, please!"

"Now boys…" he began.

"Oh come now fazher, it vill be a celebration of last night's success!" Sigmund insisted.

Poopatine blinked at them then sighed, saying, "Oh very well. On one condition. You do all your chores." The two groaned, but the janitor wouldn't budge. Finally they relented.

FBaCC

"Vell, _zat_ vas a letdown," Sigmund remarked as they walked through the still dark streets all alone.

"Oh please, what are you talking about? It was quite good for a low budget film," Kyle said, looking cautiously around. Something seemed off.

"Hence ze reason you vill nevair make it as un film critic," Sigmund offhandedly bit, also feeling a tingling up his spine he didn't like.

"And you _would_?" Kyle added. Just then he noticed a large van stopped by the curb and raised an eyebrow, stopping and grabbing Sigmund's arm, halting him as well. Sigmund looked ahead. "Sigmund, have you seen that van before?"

Sigmund glanced boredly over and his eyes widened, then narrowed. "Nein, I do not believe I have," he answered icily, unimpressed. "I do not like it. Vat iz it doing here?"

"More importantly, why do I get a bad feeling about it?" Kyle questioned. It was almost pitch black outside, but they were a sorcerer and wizard. Surely no harm would come to them from it; what with their abilities. Sigmund paused and pursed his lips. He put a hand on Kyle's shoulder and tossed his head backwards. Kyle looked with a gasp and saw some figures nearing them. "Oh surely they cannot be serious," he remarked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ze alley," Sigmund directed. All at once the two bolted and the van doors were thrown open. They heard yelling and glanced back. Figures were racing after them! They darted into the alley and Sigmund thrust Kyle into a nook, quickly pinning him and holding his black cape over them both. Kyle gasped, hugging the wall as the two pressed together. This hiding place had better work. The footsteps passed. The two sighed in relief and exchanged awkward looks. Swiftly the duo slipped out, hurrying back to the street.

"Are you sure that was all of them?" Kyle asked.

"Uf course. Ze common thugs are not ze brightest candles in ze bunch," Sigmund replied as they darted down the road. Something in his tone told Kyle, though, that Sigmund didn't honestly believe it was common thugs after them.

"Sigmund?" Kyle suspiciously questioned. Sigmund glanced at him nervously, then ahead once more. What was the sorcerer hiding? All at once the van roared to life and the two gasped, frozen in the headlights. They gaped at it then the van tore towards them!

"Run!" Sigmund ordered. The two cried out in alarm and fled in terror. The van roared after them. Sigmund turned and shot a blast over at it. Kyle followed suit, but the spells bounced off of the vehicle!

"What is happening!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Zis is bad. It is resistant!" Sigmund replied as they darted down another street.

"But then that means…" Kyle began.

"Somevun vith ein magical background iz after us," Sigmund finished. Kyle swallowed then conjured up a broom. The two leapt onto it, tearing down the road, Sigmund in front with Kyle holding onto him.

FBaCC

"Up higher, up higher!" Kyle insisted.

"I am going!" Sigmund replied, pulling up into the sky. The people leapt from the van and looked up at them coldly.

"I say, whatever are they after us for?" Kyle asked as they disappeared into the clouds. Sigmund was silent and Kyle looked ahead at him. "Sigmund?" he questioned.

Sigmund tensed, hesitated, then replied, "Ze price of popularity can be annoyingly threatening."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Kyle quickly demanded.

"Zere are crazed fans und ozher, let us zay, problems," Sigmund answered.

"What _kind_ of problems?" Kyle growled.

"Kidnapping und ransom, nussing big," Sigmund casually answered with a shrug.

"Nothing big?" Kyle exclaimed! "You've been receiving threatening letters at work, _haven't_ you! Oh I say, we are doomed!"

"Ve are in ze air, zey on ze ground," Sigmund answered nonchalantly, waving his hand uncaringly.

"You said someone with mystical background was with them! If other sorcerer's are in on it we may not be that lucky!" Kyle shot. Sigmund paused, looking uncertain, then grinned nervously. He frowned and dove down through the clouds, weaving in and out and up and down while humming a tune. Kyle screamed at the sudden speed as they zoomed around. Sigmund was trying to divert the attention off of himself, Kyle knew. Well good news for _him_, it was working! "Slow down, slow down! What are you trying to do, _kill_ us?" Sigmund smirked coldly. All at once they heard a shot and the broom reared, diving.

"Vhat? Vhat is happening?" Sigmund demanded as they spiralled downwards.

"We've been shot at! Do you hear me, we've been shot! Mayday, mayday!" Kyle exclaimed. The two brothers screamed and clung to each other desperately. The broom crashed onto the ground and the two went flying. They hit hard with screams of pain and slid across the pavement. They coughed, getting to hands and knees, but just then the van roared into sight. "Oh rot!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Run!" Sigmund exclaimed. The two leapt up, but just then the doors of the van were thrust open. Before the boys could gasp, Sigmund was seized and dragged inside with a cry of alarm, struggling desperately! "Kyle!" he called.

"Sigmund!" Kyle cried. Before he could draw his wand he was dragged from the ground and into the van! He fought back, ordering, "I say, release me at once! _I'm_ not famous!" As if they would listen. The van tore down the street, doors still open as the two struggled viciously.

"Bite him!" Sigmund ordered, managing to shake the gag. Immediately it was put back in. Kyle immediately obeyed, biting his attacker hard. The kidnapper cried out in pain and threw the boy. Kyle screamed as he fell out of the van. Sigmund's eyes widened in horror as he watched Kyle hit the pavement and roll, striking his head and rolling under the van! Sigmund struggled desperately, trying to cry out. Yes he was Kyle's rival, but _this_! Before he could do anything the door was slammed shut!

Kyle cried out in pain as he hit his head, and it swam dizzily. He was under the vehicle! Oh was this the end? When he didn't feel his body being crushed beneath the wheels, however, he realized that luckily the van had gone right over top of him! The sound of the motor was fading and Kyle couldn't get his body to work, or his mouth to call for help. He felt something wet coming from his head and knew it wasn't good. Oh it couldn't end like this. Not now! He saw the tail-lights disappear then drifted into darkness.

FBaCC

"I-is he alright?" a voice questioned in his mind. He knew that voice. Chum Chum? Where on Earth _was_ he?

"Kyle, Kyle speak to us! Are you dead!" another demanded. Undoubtedly Fanboy if Chum Chum was around, he determined.

"Oh man, this isn't good. We need to get him to a doctor!" a third voice exclaimed, sounding older and much like Lenny. Wait, he and Sigmund had crashed near Frosty Mart. Yes, it had to be Lenny; working at the school or not he still checked on his store.

"Wait, he's coming to," an older voice said. Mr. Mufflin, he determined.

"Thank goodness. We need to bring him back home and call a doctor to come in," yet another said. "Don't worry my boy, you'll be fine." This one he'd known instantly from the first syllable. Janitor Poopatine! His 'father!'

"F-Fanboy, Chum Chum?" Kyle meekly asked.

"Kyle!" the two exclaimed.

"S-Sigmund, taken, gone," Kyle stammered, dizzily trying to rouse himself.

He felt his body being lifted from the ground, and Poopatine's voice said soothingly, "Easy boy, easy. Let's get you home and cared for, then tell us what happened."

Kyle eyes fluttered open. He was in the janitor's arms and his eyes became fearful as he remembered last night. "P-papa, m-my b-big brother…Sigmund, he-he's been kidnapped! W-we saw a-a van. They-they chased us and shot us down from the b-broom. The doors opened and they reached out and they took us. I-I bit one and he-he threw me out of the car!" Kyle quickly narrated.

"My gosh…" Poopatine began.

"Wait, _papa_?" Fanboy instantly questioned, looking at the janitor in shock. Poopatine cringed.

"Wait, big brother _Sigmund_!" Chum Chum exclaimed in shock.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" Lenny demanded.

"Long story son," Mufflin answered. "We'll explain it after we get Kyle back home."

"You're Kyle and Sigmund's father!" Fanboy and Chum Chum demanded of Poopatine.

"Not now!" Poopatine shot. "Let us focus on the injured party and my kidnapped child! Come on men, to Kyle's house!" Curiosity consuming them, the three younger followed the two older men and their injured comrade, dying to hear what was going on.

FBaCC

"Did you see which way the van vent?" Poopatine questioned as Fanboy and Chum Chum were sobbing over the cover story they'd been told. All three younger boys were rattled. He supposed he felt bad, but as it was he couldn't back out of this role just yet.

"Toward the sunrise," Kyle answered, head bandaged by the doctor and he feeling much better as he sat up drinking a warm mixture of lemon and honey which Poopatine had made for him. He watched cluelessly as his best friends were sobbing and offering him their sympathies. What were these ninnies talking about? He hadn't heard the cover story Poopatine had told. He'd blacked out again.

"East," Mufflin stated.

"Towards the warehouses?" Lenny questioned.

"Kidnapping," Poopatine said grimly. "You say he mentioned letters. Ransom. I suspect they'll ask for that producer to pay for his money maker's safe return."

"Wait, do you think his producer will pay it?" Lenny asked.

"I doubt it. They're cutthroat in the movie business," Mufflin stated.

"So they kidnap him and bump him off if the money isn't paid?" Lenny incredulously questioned.

"They were furious, and the delay has put them behind," Poopatine answered. "They may not be in the mood for negotiations."

"B-but Sigmund can handle them, right?" Fanboy said as he and Chum Chum recovered from their sadness.

"Yeah, he's so powerful," Chum Chum agreed.

"Unless," Lenny suddenly said, eyes lighting up. They looked curiously at him.

"Unless? What do you mean, Lenny?" Mufflin questioned.

"If he can't utter a spell or get his hands aimed at them, he's trapped! His powers stem from spells and channel from his arms and hands," Lenny explained.

"Since when do you know so much about sorcerers?" Mufflin questioned, raising a curious eyebrow.

"I watch his show. He never uses anything but his hands," Lenny simply answered with a shrug.

"He'll be in trouble if your analysis _is_ correct," Kyle mused, knowing full well it probably was. "Well whatever are we waiting for? We must find him."

"Awe, brotherly love," Chum Chum said.

"I do _not_ love him!" Kyle insisted.

"Come on Kyle, he's your brother, right? It must be so cool to be reunited with your long lost family after all these years!" Fanboy said.

Kyle sighed and said, "Let's just get this nightmare over with."

FBaCC

Sigmund struggled against the ropes holding him. Oh this was _way_ out of bounds. They would pay for this big time! Assuredly he'd get his revenge one way or another. The van was suddenly opened and he sharply looked over, eyes blazing furiously. "Easy sorcerer, no use fighting," one of the men said as two others pulled him out. He tried to shout through the gag. As if. Oh if only he could aim his hands at the ropes holding him. He looked incredulously around then raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. What a shabby little hovel. Actually, on further analysis he could tell it was a warehouse of some kind. Fish smell, packaging plant smells, and all.

"Welcome to our humble little hideaway," another said. Sigmund's eyes widened and once again he tried to scream at the men furiously. Oh if only they would take off this gag he could utter some spell or something to get him out. "Sorry kid, but you're stuck until we get what we want." Sigmund scoffed. As if. He would be out soon enough. His producer would have to pay. After all, he was too popular amongst the common throng. "And if he doesn't give us what we want, well, it's best you not hear too much," the man added. Sigmund's eyes narrowed. He was unimpressed with _that_ statement. "Don't worry boy, they can't let all your fans down. Angry fans means less popularity, less power, less bragging rights," the man finished. For some reason Sigmund felt uncertain about his producer paying.

No, he couldn't lose his resolve. They had kidnapped him and they would pay! He would get out as always. Perhaps he was rested enough to pull this off without too much work. Then again, if he were wrong it could cost him his life… He looked uncertainly at the kidnappers. "If the producer doesn't pay, his parents might," another said.

"Sigmund the Sorcerer has no family to pay us," a third said. Sigmund scoffed. Oh yes he did. At least, for now he did. But would they _bother_? His eyes became uncertain.

Sigmund summed up the massive building. He pondered his options. Well, they wouldn't let him go until they got what they wanted, and Kyle hadn't seen where they'd gone, so his brother wouldn't have been able to tell their father. Wait… Kyle! What had happened to the conjurer? He'd seen them throw him out of the moving van and heard his head connect on the cement! It had sounded serious. He'd gone under the van. The constipator was _his_ to destroy, and if they'd beaten him to it he wouldn't be happy. His brother was _his_. He hoped, though, that Kyle was still alive to terminate. He hadn't felt a large bump, so they may not have run him over. At least, he certainly _hoped_ they hadn't.


	13. Rescue Mission

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Mage**_

(A/N: Second up today. Only two or three chapters left, which I may or may not put up today. I want to keep my readers in suspence, but near the end of a story I always get impatient and want to post it all. I hope you've all enjoyed. Sorry about the Star Wars references. I couldn't resist. It was too easy.)

Rescue Mission

"Are we there yet?" Fanboy asked.

"Are we there yet?" Chum Chum questioned.

"Are we there yet?" Fanboy repeated.

"Are we there yet?" Chum Chum said again.

"Are you done yet!" Lenny barked furiously.

"It won't last forever boy, it won't last forever," Mr. Mufflin assured, teeth gritted.

"Not if papa pushes this thing into overdrive," Kyle said, dropping the hint.

Poopatine testily replied, "I can't go into hyper drive if I don't know where we're going!"

"Hey, why don't we track him?" Fanboy exclaimed.

"Fanboy, we never put a tracking device on Sigmund, only on Kyle!" Chum Chum declared.

"Oh yeah. Well that sucks," Fanboy remarked.

"You put a _what_ on me?" Kyle exclaimed, looking over himself.

"You heard nothing," Chum Chum said, waving his hands in front of his Kyle's face.

"For now we'll just focus on your brother," Fanboy added.

"He's not my, oh forget it," Kyle said, falling off and choosing to ignore the tracking device.

FBaCC

Sigmund felt a wave of pain go through him and he screamed in agony, falling to his knees on a bed of glass. He sobbed at the jolt of pain and the blood, but forced himself to push on as they were driving him down into the underground. Please, please, please, he thought silently, not sure what he was saying please for. No, he knew. Please don't let him die, please someone intervene on his behalf.

He whimpered meekly at the headache coming on from the stress and exhaustion. He was dizzy. He was blacking out. Oh was this the end of him? They were dragging him now. They wouldn't be bothered with lifting him up and carrying him. He just wanted this all to end. He didn't care how anymore, he was in too much pain. Oh what was he thinking! He wanted to live!

FBaCC

Poopatine parked the Dump Star. "Why are we stopped?" Mufflin questioned.

"Because we don't know what we're doing," Poopatine answered.

"He's right. We need some kind of plan," Lenny declared.

"First of all we need to know where Sigmund _is_," Kyle stated.

"Can you track him with your magic Kyle?" Chum Chum questioned.

"I'm not sure. Oh if only I had my Necronomicon," Kyle lamented.

"Hey, _I_ have it," Fanboy stated.

"I beg your pardon?" Kyle demanded.

"What? It was talking to me," Fanboy defended, handing it over.

Kyle snatched it, muttering under his breath, then opened it up. "Try the necromancy tracking spell, Latin version. It's simple enough," Poopatine suggested.

"The what? Wait, I've heard of those from the older Milkweed _middle_ school students. How do _you_ know of it?" Kyle asked.

Poopatine started, looked at him, then replied with a frown, "I read. I'm not completely incompetent, child."

"But…" Kyle began.

"Kyle, spell, now!" Poopatine ordered.

Kyle raised an eyebrow, flipped through it and found the spell. "Here we go," Kyle said, drawing his wand. "Ad me, tenebris vires. Audiree meis. Magus Sigmundus ostendere viam quaerant!"*

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The others started, gasping as a pillar of blue shot out screeching. All at once it shot into the distance and paused, forming a blue cloud over a far section of the city. "I'm guessing he's there?" Lenny remarked after shutting his mouth again.

"But that's on the other side of the town!" Fanboy exclaimed.

"It'll take forever," Chum Chum complained.

"Actually, Poopatine pushes the Dump Star into light speed and we might be able to make it in less than a second. If only my career was that close to being over," Mufflin remarked.

"All right. We'll do it," Poopatine said.

"And we'd better hurry. The cloud is moving," Kyle said, eyes wide. Turning to them again he added, pointing, "And it's getting farther away."

"We'd better stop by the studio and check if they've gotten any ransom letter," Lenny remarked.

"And if they'll pay it," Mufflin grimly added.

"If _they_ don't, _I_ shall. No matter what it takes," Poopatine declared.

"They might not keep true to their word even if you _do_," Lenny worriedly remarked. The janitor shifted uncomfortably before settling into the seat and looking deep in thought.

"We'll find him one way or another," Mufflin assured Poopatine.

"Oh I _plan_ on it," Poopatine replied, fingers drumming on his armrest dangerously, voice dark and menacing now. "Hyper Drive initiated. Hold on men. The Dump Star is off." All at once it shot ahead, the others crying out in terror.

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"Emperor Poopatine, we're approaching the district of Warehouse," Fanboy declared, saluting.

"Excellent," Poopatine replied. "Release the clones."

The others blinked blankly at him. "Um, what clones?" Chum Chum questioned.

Poopatine blinked blankly then looked at them. Eyes narrowing he barked, "Never mind! Kyle, revive the cleaning supplies!"

"The cleaning supplies! Father, are you mad?" Kyle demanded.

"Now is no time for halfway measures! The producer has refused to bend to the will of the dark side. Soon he will pay with the rest of them. I sense young Sigmund is in danger. More so than we first thought," Poopatine shot. "Jedi master Mufflin, front and centre!"

"Emperor Palp, I mean Poopatine," Mufflin said, instantly saluting.

"Poop," Chum Chum said.

"Take your young padewan apprentice, Lenny, and go ahead of us with the cleaning supplies," Poopatine ordered, ignoring Chum Chum. "They will follow your orders to the letter."

"I'm a what now?" Lenny questioned.

"Don't ask questions, boy, just follow orders!" Poopatine barked.

Lenny cried out in alarm they quickly saluted, saying, "Yes sir!"

"Emperor Poopatine, what about us?" Fanboy asked.

"Poop," Chum Chum chimed, saluting also.

"As for you three boys, you're coming with me," Poopatine replied.

"Sir, yes sir!" Fanboy and Chum Chum chimed together.

"Um, perhaps I can stay here and guard the Dump Star, hmm?" Kyle offered, grinning hopefully. Poopatine glared at him. "Or not," Kyle meekly said, cringing.

"You'll be the _last_ one to leave my side. Before I let _you_ go, Fanboy and Chum Chum will be sent off," Poopatine declared. "I won't lose both you _and_ your brother. Not again. Onward men!"

The group pulled up to the warehouse and stopped. The cleaning supplies instantly marched off the ship and the group all gathered inside the biggest warehouse. "Now what?" Lenny questioned.

"We split up," Poopatine answered.

"Right. Lenny and I will check the corridor over there. You and the boys search for a trap door or something," Mufflin stated.

"Excellent," Poopatine said. "Let's go!"

"This is so cool! I feel like a hero!" Fanboy exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Chum Chum agreed. Instantly the groups divided.

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"Well _that_ was fruitless," Mufflin remarked as the groups met by the door into the last room of the warehouse, the others looking discouraged.

"Hey, we have one more room to go," Lenny remarked, jerking a thumb at the door.

"I suppose," Mufflin relented. He took the handle and opened it.

"There!" Chum Chum exclaimed, pointing ahead. The others gasped, seeing a foot disappear down a hole in the ground!

"Wow, a trap door! Let's go!" Fanboy exclaimed. Instantly he and Chum Chum darted off.

"Wait for me!" Kyle called, racing after them. The others quickly followed with the enchanted cleaning supplies army.

They dove down the hole and looked around quickly. "There!" Kyle exclaimed, pointing at a disappearing figure.

"We won't make it in time," Mufflin stated, judging the distance between them and the closing wall panel.

"Perhaps not, but my magic can," Kyle stated, teeth gritted. He whipped out his wand and uttered a chant, zapping the panel and stopping it before it shut.

"We'll get him! Come on master!" Lenny exclaimed, darting towards the door.

"Lenny, wait! Ugh, I hate when he does this," Mufflin complained. Quickly though, he raced after his assistant.

"And I suppose we…" Kyle began.

"Carry onward," Poopatine confirmed. "Come along boys. Cleaning supplies, spread out and search the area!" Quickly the three ran down the passage, the cleaning supplies separating to cover everywhere else.

* * *

* To me, dark powers. Listen to my command. Seek out the sorcerer Sigmund and show us the way. (I don't speak Latin, I used Google translate. Forgive me if some of it isn't right.)


	14. Attack Of The Cleanser's: Pursuit

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Mage**_

(A/N: Third up today. This chapter is very short. Just a forewarning, this and the next will be almost direct parodies of Star Wars scenes. Anyone who's watched them recently should catch them. I'm not big on Star Wars personally, but it was certainly entertaining. Nineteen and never watched any of them until this year. Sad, really, that a cartoon character got me interested in it. Yes, I mean Janitor Poopatine.)

Attack Of The Cleanser's: Pursuit

Lenny and Mr. Mufflin ran through the passage and after the figure that was disappearing around a corner. "Wow he's fast," Mufflin remarked.

"We can catch him master," Lenny replied, pulling out a gun shaped object. Mufflin raised a curious eyebrow. Lenny grinned innocently and nervously chuckled, saying, "Uh, staple gun."

"Nice," Mufflin complimented. "My turn." With that he pulled out a glowing meter stick and waved it around in the air.

"Wow, awesome!" Lenny exclaimed.

"Always bring extras," Mufflin said. With that he handed him another one.

Lenny grinned and tossed Mufflin a second staple gun, saying, "Ditto." They raced around a corner and slid to a stop with gasps. There in front of them spread out an underground amusement park! "Whoa," Lenny said. "How come _I've_ never heard of this place?"

"Because it's a secret rave location," Mufflin said, realization coming to his eyes. Lenny gasped and looked ahead again. "There!" Mufflin exclaimed, pointing towards a futuristic looking ride. The carts looked like futuristic cars flying around, and they appeared to zip along lines all around the park. There, getting into one of them, was their target!

"Come on!" Lenny exclaimed, racing ahead with Mufflin following. The two leapt into one of the cars and Mufflin shot at the controls, starting the ride up. The figure looked back, startled, but then frowned and sat down in the cart she, or he, was in. All at once the ride took off at an alarming pace. Lenny cried out in terror, Mufflin in what Lenny guessed was supposed to be terror but just sounded uninterested and monotonous. Almost like it was faked. He looked at the teacher in shock. Mufflin shrugged.

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"There he is!" Mufflin exclaimed.

"Hang on," Lenny replied, pushing faster.

Mufflin gasped in alarm and growled, "I hate flying."

"Because you're not very good," Lenny teased.

"I'll have you know I'm a fine pilot. I just prefer the ground," Mufflin answered in defense. Lenny tore around a car and Mufflin clung to the dash board yelling, "Leonard, slow down! You're going to get us killed!"

"Calm down Master Mufflin, I know what I'm doing. I think," Lenny assured.

"We're losing him!" Mufflin exclaimed. Lenny suddenly turned sharply away. "What are you doing? We're going the other way now!"

"It's a shortcut, I think," Lenny answered.

"_Think_?" Mufflin shot. Lenny cringed then nervously grinned. Mufflin sighed. He supposed he had no choice but to trust his apprentice now.

The two pulled to a stop and looked around. "Uh…" Lenny began.

"Oh great, he's gone. We've lost him," Mufflin complained. "Some shortcut."

"Be right back," Lenny said. All at once he leapt over the edge.

Mufflin blinked blankly then sighed, saying, "I hate when he does that." He supposed he would have to go after him now. He grabbed the controls and made the car dive after Lenny.

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Lenny landed on top of the car the figure was in, smirking victoriously. And people thought he had no skill. Well, they were right. This was just pure luck he'd landed on this car. He hadn't honestly expected that, when he saw it about to pass beneath, he would actually land on it. He thought with _his_ luck he'd miss. At least lady luck was on his side today. He aimed at the window shield and shot the pricing gun. The figure inside cried out in alarm and veered as the window cracked. Lenny cried out in alarm as he fell from it!

He grabbed onto the window but the person struck his hand. He cried out in pain and nearly let go. Grabbing Mufflin's ruler saber, though, he stabbed at the figure. The figure cried out in pain as the ruler's side cut him, and the car suddenly lurched down. Lenny scrambled onto the roof and seconds later the vehicle crash landed on the ground! Lenny leapt off as it slid across the floor. "Score!" he cried as it struck a pile of crates.

"Lenny!" Mufflin called. He glanced back and saw Mr. Mufflin coming down in the car. He leapt out and the two ran towards the wreckage. Suddenly the figure leapt out, though, and ran. "After him!" Mufflin ordered. The two raced on.

"He's going into that flashy building!" Lenny exclaimed.

Reaching it he went to open the door, but right then Mufflin put a restraining hand on his arm, warning, "Wait. Something's not right. I sense something off."

"Taken a shower lately?" Lenny asked. That earned him a strike up the back of the head. He cried out in pain and frowned. Mufflin scowled at him. "Sorry. Sheesh, can't you take a joke?" Lenny asked, rubbing the spot.

"A shower is the least of your worries," a voice said. The two looked ahead with gasps and paled. There in front of them stood the figure with a group of others behind!

"Oh great," Lenny groaned. "What's the plan?"

"Uh…" Mufflin began, looking around. He saw the shadows of cleaning supplies against the walls and his eyes lit up. "The cleaning supplies! Release the cleansers!"

"Cleansers, to us!" Lenny called quickly. Almost instantly they were backed up by an army of mops, brooms, dusters, cloths, cleaning products, and more. The group in front of them gasped, paling. Mufflin and Lenny grinned victoriously at them. "Attack!" Lenny ordered.

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Instantly the cleansers and objects went at their attackers. The group began to fight back. Lenny and Mr. Mufflin leapt in with the ruler sabres and staple guns at the ready. The two danced in and out slashing with the rulers and shooting with the 'guns' at the enemy. Soon enough the whole group lay beaten at their feet. "Well, that was easy," Mr. Mufflin remarked.

"Of course it was. You have no faith in me," Lenny complained.

"Oh let's not go there now. I have plenty of faith in you. If I didn't I would have thrown you to the dogs long ago," Mufflin assured.

"Gee, isn't _that_ nice of you?" Lenny sarcastically asked as the two walked away from the beaten group, after apprehending them. Mufflin chuckled and ruffled the boy's hair. Lenny grinned, nudging him playfully. The two high fived.

"Now to distract any other attackers so Russ and the kids can get out," Mufflin stated in all seriousness.

"We've got it covered," Lenny assured. Mufflin smirked, amused. This was way out of character for the nerdy assistant manager of Frosty Mart. This little voyage was bringing out a side of him Mufflin never knew existed. He hoped, though, that it didn't get to his head.


	15. Revenge Of The Misfits: Elevator Mishap

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Mage**_

(A/N: Fourth up today. Well, I lost to my obsession, but hey, look at it as a long overdue update. I haven't updated for a few days now. One more chapter to go.)

Revenge Of The Misfits: Elevator Mishap

Sigmund sat tied to the chair, trying to escape but unable to. He looked around. Where was his rescue party? He knew he sensed _someone_ coming for him. The doors opened and he looked sharply ahead. "Well sorcerer, looks like luck just isn't on your side. Your producer refused to pay the ransom," the leader of the group said.

"Ugh, I knew I should not 'ave made him angry," Sigmund said aloud. They'd finally figured out speaking spells weren't his strong suit in the least. In fact, he'd been racking his brain for any spell to use on escape and nothing was coming to mind. If only his hands were untied now.

"Too late for regrets. We'll be back with a method of, shall we say, dealing with you permanently," the same man declared.

Sigmund nervously chuckled. "Oh, do not hurry along. I vill be here vhenever you decide to come back, yeah?" he dismissed casually.

"Nice try," the man said. He motioned for his group to follow and they walked out. Sigmund licked his lips nervously, trying again to rack his memory for anything he could use verbally. Ugh, for once he found himself envying Kyle and all his studying of spells and whatnot.

FBaCC

Fanboy, Chum Chum, Poopatine, and Kyle raced down the corridor. "Where could he be?" Fanboy asked.

"I sense him. He's here somewhere," Kyle answered.

"Hopefully not too far," Poopatine added. They slid to a stop with gasps, almost running into a dead end! At least, that's what they'd first thought it was. "An elevator!" Poopatine exclaimed, quickly realizing what they were staring at.

"Wow, this is some high tech base," Fanboy remarked.

"Yeah. Almost like a space ship or something," Chum Chum agreed.

"Oh let's not be silly. This isn't some Star Wars scene," Kyle remarked.

"The security is up. We need someone to stay here to guard this elevator. It may be our only way out," Poopatine said. "Fanboy, Chum Chum, you stay here as back up. If contact needs to be made, you'll be the ones to hear of it. Brenda will stay with you to make sure you don't destroy the place with us inside. Besides, dear Brenda must stay safe."

"Shotgun!" Chum Chum exclaimed, leaping onto her.

"Will you be careful with her? She's very delicate," Poopatine ordered.

"Sure thing Janitor Palpatine, I mean Emperor Poopatine, I mean Emperor Palpatine, no, wait, it's Janitor Poopatine," Fanboy replied face palming. "Duh Fanboy," he said to himself.

"Poop," Chum Chum chimed. Kyle face palmed and sighed. He clicked the up button, following his feelings, and the elevator dinged open. Quickly he and Poopatine raced inside.

"We're counting on you two. Don't let us down," Poopatine warned.

"We're dead men," Kyle said with a sigh. There was nothing those two ninnies _couldn't_ screw up.

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Elevator music played as they went up. "Well, this is ironic," Poopatine remarked, listening to it.

"That it's the _Star Wars_ theme?" Kyle questioned.

"That, and that this seems eerily like a sci-fi film," Poopatine replied.

"I can tell you which one," Kyle remarked.

"Don't bother," Poopatine replied. He knew full well which one it reminded him of. The same one as the theme playing in the elevator. The elevator dinged and the two raced out into a corridor and looked around.

"I sense a disturbance in the force. He's very near, and he's in worse trouble than last time," Poopatine said.

"Then we musn't delay any longer. Come on papa!" Kyle insisted, racing down the corridor, Poopatine hot on his tail.

FBaCC

Kyle and Poopatine burst through a sliding door panting and looked around. "There!" Kyle exclaimed, pointing. Sure enough, there tied to a chair was Sigmund!

"Sigmund!" Poopatine called. He and Kyle nimbly leapt over the railing and raced towards him.

"Fazher, Kyle!" Sigmund exclaimed. "It iz about time."

"Oh shut it, we came didn't we?" Kyle bit, untying his hands. Sigmund massaged his wrists in relief.

"Zat is much better," he said.

"Good, now let's get out," Poopatine said, turning and beginning to walk away. Sigmund and Kyle raced by him heading for the stairs. All at once, however, the door opened and out walked the kidnappers! The three slid to a stop with gasps.

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"Well, well, well, what have we here?" the leader of the group, wearing a red and black mask, questioned.

"How dare you kidnap my son!" Poopatine furiously shouted at them. They started at this declaration, eyes wide.

"Your son?" the leader stammered.

"The both of them!" Poopatine barked.

"Family rescue mission. How touching," another one, bearded, remarked monotonously.

"You will let us pass," Kyle said, waving his hand in the air.

"Your jedi mind tricks won't work on us," the bearded one declared.

"Oh no? Vell maybe zis vill!" Sigmund exclaimed. Furiously he shot a blast at them with his powers!

The leader, however, simply raised his hand and knocked the blast away to the side. The three gasped in shock. "Magic! I warned you!" Kyle exclaimed, pointing accusingly at Sigmund.

"Boys, please! Now's not the time!" Poopatine shot.

"Look out fazher!" Sigmund exclaimed, pointing ahead. They had shot back! The three cried out in alarm and hit the ground.

They sprang back up and Kyle and Sigmund began to shoot blasts at them as Poopatine held back. Soon enough the backup was knocked out, but their leader and the second in command, the bearded one, easily parried or dodged each strike. They leapt from the top and the masked one caught Sigmund's recent blast. He threw it right back at the boy and Sigmund screamed in pain as it struck him, sending him flying! "Sigmund!" Kyle exclaimed.

The bearded one shot the platform above him and it pinned the child beneath before Poopatine or Kyle could do a thing! Kyle turned quickly, hearing a blast heading his way. Grabbing out his wand he parried it then shot again, meeting the mysterious mage and his follower head on with his wand. Poopatine raced over to Sigmund and looked for a way to safely move the platform from off of the boy. Oh this was bad, and a delicate proceeding. One wrong move and the child could be paralyzed! He had to think quickly here.

He looked back to check on how Kyle was faring. Surprisingly the boy was holding his own against the two, but Poopatine sensed they were going easy on him, toying with him. For now he could turn his back for a moment in order to help his eldest child. He grabbed a large metal pole and braced it on a block of debris. He jammed it beneath the platform and pried up. To his shock the platform actually rose from off of the boy! Now he had to be quick. He had a split second to drag the child out from under the platform before it crushed him. Sigmund was lucky it hadn't crushed him the _first_ time. All at once he let go, seized Sigmund's wrist, and pulled him free a split second before it crashed down! He leapt up and turned to see what he could do to help Kyle, but just then a stray blast hit him and he cried out in pain, falling to the ground! He writhed in agony trying to shake off the pain, but he felt so weak. He doubted he'd be able to get _himself_ out let alone carry _Sigmund_ with him.

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Kyle paled on seeing his surrogate father fall. He gasped, alarmed, then turned just in time to dodge beneath an attack from the phantom mage. Angrily Kyle scowled and zapped him powerfully with his wand. The mage screamed in anguish and fell to the ground, jerking around as the blast went through him. Kyle whirled and zapped the other as well. It wouldn't kill them, he knew, but it gave him and his family enough time to run. "Quickly Papa, we must go!" Kyle exclaimed. He raced to him and tried to help Poopatine, who was gasping, onto his feet.

Poopatine wavered and groaned. "Kyle, I won't be able to carry your brother out," he declared.

"But then that means…" Kyle began, looking at the sorcerer. Okay, he could either leave him to die or carry his enemy himself. He swallowed, weighing his options.

"Your spell is fading," Poopatine warned.

"Oh rot," Kyle groaned. With that he lifted Sigmund with his wand and placed him over his shoulder. "Why must I always be made to suffer?" he asked with a sigh. "Come on!" Poopatine quickly followed as they darted out and ran for the elevator. Kyle pressed the button, but nothing happened. "Um, elevator's not working," Kyle remarked.

"Oh just wonderful," Poopatine sarcastically growled. "Some rescue mission _this_ is."

"Wait, Fanboy and Chum Chum!" Kyle exclaimed. "Now if only I had some way to contact them."

Poopatine tapped his shoulder and held out a kind of microphone. Kyle blinked at it. "Goes to Brenda's speakers," Poopatine explained.

"Well that should work," Kyle said, snatching it. "Fanboy, Chum Chum, come in Fanboy and Chum Chum."

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"Whoa, where's that noise coming from?" Fanboy questioned, looking around.

"From Brenda!" Chum Chum exclaimed, pointing at a speaker. "It's Kyle trying to contact us!"

"Kyle, what do you need?" Fanboy questioned, leaping on and speaking into the speaker.

"Oh thank heavens you two answered. The elevator's deactivated. We have to get it moving again," Kyle replied. "Tenth to bottom, hurry!"

"Chum Chum, start up the elevator. Tenth to bottom floor!" Fanboy ordered.

"Roger," Chum Chum agreed, pressing a button. A metal thing came from Brenda and went into the elevator's power supply. Chum Chum began twisting it, biting his tongue. Just then the whole place somehow turned onto its side! "Oops," Chum Chum said.

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"Nothing's happening," Kyle said. "Whoa!" he cried the next instant as the place jolted and began to turn on its side!

"Kyle, open the door!" Poopatine exclaimed. Kyle screamed and zapped it with his wand. Instantly the two grabbed the edges and clung on for dear life. "Get inside!" Poopatine ordered. Swiftly Kyle scrambled in. He turned back and helped Poopatine enter.

"Come on, let's get back to the main floor!" Kyle exclaimed as they ran through the elevator shaft.

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"Okay, let's try this again," Chum Chum said.

"Straighten us up Chum Chum, straight! Then make the elevator go down! Down!" Fanboy called. Chum Chum turned the device slightly, and the room began to go back to normal.

"There we go. Now down," Chum Chum said, turning it more.

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Poopatine and Kyle raced down the shaft. All at once the place slowly began to right itself! "Whoa!" Kyle cried as they began sliding down.

"Not good!" Poopatine exclaimed as it began to turn faster.

"We're going to die!" Kyle exclaimed.

"Grab that beam!" Poopatine directed, pointing. Kyle turned and seized it. Poopatine tore passed but managed to grab the boy's legs and cling on for dear life. Sigmund nearly pitched off, however! "Watch your brother!" Poopatine ordered.

"I have him!" Kyle replied as Sigmund dangled from his shoulder.

"Not for long," a voice said. The two froze and looked up. There, looking down from an elevator door, was the mage and his second in command!

"Oh come on," Poopatine complained. This was _not_ happening.

Sigmund groaned just then and his eyes fluttered open only to see the seemingly bottomless pit! He screamed in terror and pulled himself quickly up, clinging tightly to Kyle. Kyle choked and struggled. Sigmund barely loosened his grip. "About time you woke up," Kyle said.

"Vat sort of rescue _iz_ zis!" Sigmund yelled.

"One that will fail," the second in command above said. Sigmund looked up and gasped as the man aimed a blast at them.

"Oh vunderbar," Sigmund complained.

"Coming down Kyle," Chum Chum's voice said over the speaker.

"Vat iz?" Sigmund asked. Poopatine and Kyle gasped and looked sharply up. Sigmund swallowed and looked as well. There above them the elevator was shooting down! The three screamed in terror. Instantly Kyle let go. The two pursuers looked up with gasps and pulled back inside as the elevator tore passed, barely missing them!

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The three screamed as they fell, then all at once they hit solid ground. They shook their heads and looked up. "Fanboy, tell Chum Chum, to open the bottom floor's door!" Kyle exclaimed. "Do it now!"

"Chum Chum, bottom floor door, now!" Fanboy exclaimed.

"We're trying Fanboy!" Chum Chum exclaimed, moving the device. "Brenda and I can't find it!" Just then an alert pealed through the air and Chum Chum paused.

"Um, Kyle, I think we activated the self-destruct," Fanboy declared.

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"They haven't opened it. They can't find it! And they've activated a self-destruct sequence!" Kyle exclaimed.

Sigmund cried out in terror. It was almost on them! All at once he shot up his hands and blasted, slowing the elevator. He cried out in pain but didn't let the spell stop. Finally, inches above them, it froze! "Kyle, blast ze door open!" Sigmund ordered.

Kyle gasped and snatched out his wand, blasting it. "Move!" Poopatine ordered the boy. Kyle scrambled out, Poopatine following. "Sigmund!" Poopatine cried.

"Be right vith you," Sigmund replied through gritted teeth. All at once he let it go and dove for the exit! Just as the elevator crashed down, he hit the safety of ground, rolling and landing on his feet and a hand, looking victoriously back. "Zere. Problem solved."

"Nice roll," Poopatine complimented.

"Danke fazher," Sigmund replied.

"I simply cannot believe that worked," Kyle said in disbelief.

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"Russ!" a voice called. The three gasped and turned. There behind them was Lenny and Mr. Mufflin, the latter of which had spoken! And they were riding a flying space ship type thing!

"Hank, how did you get here?" Poopatine questioned.

"We looked at a map of the place and saw three little dots running. We took a guess, hijacked one of the carnival rides, and came down," Lenny replied. "Hop on, we're out of here!"

Poopatine instantly leapt onto the ship. Kyle and Sigmund followed. "Let's go," Kyle ordered Lenny. "And don't forget my ninnies!"

"Yeah, yeah, Fanboy and Chum Chum," Lenny agreed in annoyance.

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Fanboy and Chum Chum were running, screaming. "We'll never get out!" Chum Chum exclaimed. Brenda beeped fearfully.

"Come on Chum Chum, we have to try!" Fanboy replied. Just then a spaceship type thing burst from the ground and they felt themselves being snatched from the ground and dragged on. "See," Fanboy boasted on realizing what had happened.

"Kyle, Sigmund, you're alive!" Chum Chum exclaimed. Instantly he and Fanboy attacked the two boys, tightly hugging them. They pulled the two up and danced around, spinning them.

"I say, let me go!" Kyle insisted, though he didn't struggle. Sigmund couldn't be bothered protesting.

"Exit dead ahead," Lenny declared.

"Steady, steady," Mufflin said.

"Forget steady! This is life and death!" Lenny exclaimed. He pushed the ship even faster.

"Lenny!" Mufflin shouted. Just in the nick of time, however, they burst out! Immediately after the warehouse blew! They stopped the ship and looked back, hearts pounding.


	16. Wish

_**Fanboy And Chum Chum: The Phantom Mage**_

(A/N: Last chapter and fifth up today.)

Wish

The group looked back at the warehouse blinking blankly. They looked around. Lenny and Mufflin had rounded up all the beaten kidnappers and laid them safely outside. They all looked back again. All at once Kyle cried, "We did it!"

Everyone cheered. Lenny and Mufflin hugged each other, laughing. Mufflin seized Poopatine and gave him a so dubbed, 'noogie.' Poopatine struggled free. He spun and seized his two children, spinning them around. "Ve did it fazher!" Sigmund exclaimed.

"That we did, my boy!" Poopatine agreed, placing them back down. Fanboy and Chum Chum hugged Lenny. Lenny, of course, screamed and almost fell out of the ship. Mufflin grabbed him, pulling him back on and frowning.

Kyle and Sigmund spun to each other and… they froze. "Not on your life," Kyle remarked, turning away.

"Zere iz nein vay zis iz happening!" Sigmund protested.

"You couldn't _force_ me to hug Sigmund the Stinker," Kyle said.

"Ditto," Sigmund agreed. Brenda disagreed. She seized both boys and shoved them together. "Let us go!" Sigmund protested.

She beeped defiantly and Poopatine chuckled, stroking the chair then sitting on it. "Best to get it over with children." Kyle and Sigmund groaned but reluctantly hugged, rolling their eyes. Brenda released them and disgustedly they brushed themselves off.

"This never happened," Kyle stated.

"Here, here," Sigmund agreed.

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"Now, there are other matters to tend to," Poopatine declared, looking over at the kidnapper gang, eyes dangerous and cold. "How dare you!" Poopatine roared as he rode towards the crew on Brenda. Mufflin scowled and followed Poopatine's lead. "You could have killed him! You kidnapped my son!" Poopatine added.

"Sigmund, are you okay!" Fanboy and Chum Chum exclaimed worriedly, looking at the sorcerer and leaving Mufflin and Poopatine to deal with the gang.

"F-Fine," Sigmund weakly whispered, shaking his head. He almost fell, but grabbed onto Kyle for support.

"Awe," Fanboy and Chum Chum said.

Sigmund raised a curious eyebrow at Kyle. What was with his two imbecilic friends? Kyle cringed then explained vaguely, so Sigmund would catch on, "Um, they know our story."

"Vunderbar," Sigmund sarcastically replied. "Now _zey_ are all sucked in _too_."

"Looks like Mr. Mufflin and Janitor Poopatine are going to deal with the kidnappers _themselves_," Lenny remarked, pointing. The boys turned and saw Poopatine and Mufflin all over the crew viciously. "Think they'll get the police to arrest them?"

"Oh vhatever zose two do to zem vould be vorse zen anysing ze justice system could do," Sigmund answered, grinning cruelly.

"I say, now _this_ is entertainment," Kyle remarked, smirking wickedly. He'd always liked such things as this.

"Wow, they're like super guys," Chum Chum said in awe.

FBaCC

The crew lay beaten on the ground. Mufflin and Poopatine were brushing off their hands as they went towards the five younger ones. "Wow Mr. Mufflin, I didn't know you had it _in_ you," Lenny remarked as the two older came up to them.

"I haven't fallen off _that_ far since you knew me last, boy," Mufflin replied.

"_I'll_ say. You fought awesome!" Lenny exclaimed. Mufflin chuckled.

"Zo you did not die after zat hit on ze head," Sigmund remarked to Kyle.

"It wasn't pleasant, _that_ was for sure," Kyle grumbled, rubbing his head painfully.

"Well one thing is for sure, this whole incident has proven to me you two should not under any circumstance be left alone together, or apart for that matter," Poopatine remarked.

"Maybe you can finally get out of that shed slash janitor's closet and supervise them," Mufflin said.

"Oh says the teacher who lives in his desk!" Poopatine barked back.

"What? Are you crazy? Even _I'm_ not married to my work like that," Lenny said. Mufflin twitched then innocently grinned.

"Never mind. The point is that's not what I meant," Poopatine added.

"Maybe _you_ should stay with _me_," Lenny said to Mufflin, insulting him and cutting off the conversation.

"You can hardly deal with things _yourself_ you're so young," Mufflin retorted.

"Oh please, I'm perfectly capable of it," Lenny defended.

"Who cares, all that matters is we're all one big happy family now!" Fanboy exclaimed.

"Group hug!" Chum Chum exclaimed.

"No hugs!" Kyle, Sigmund, Mufflin, Lenny, and Poopatine all ordered as the boys leapt at them. Too late. Fanboy and Chum Chum had attached themselves to the targets, and in annoyance-and in Mufflin's case anger- they were all brought together. In less than a moment Fanboy and Chum Chum were sent flying by blasts from both Kyle and Sigmund.

FBaCC

Sigmund, Kyle, Poopatine, and Brenda were on the roof of Kyle's house looking up at the stars. Kyle and Sigmund sat cross legged on the ground, Poopatine on Brenda. After a long moment, Sigmund asked, "Zo, iz zis ze end? Everysing ve have worked on gone just like zis?"

"I thought you despised living under the same roof as me," Kyle remarked.

"Better zen ze shabby little shack ze Janitor lives in," Sigmund replied, waving his hand dismissively.

"What would you have me do?" Poopatine questioned them. "I _do_ have a life, boys."

"I suppose," Kyle quietly remarked, looking down at the ground and tracing a doodle with his wand.

Poopatine looked at the two. Sigmund watched Kyle, ponderously holding his chin. He suddenly intervened, filling in details Kyle had forgotten. The two boys exchanged quiet glances. Understanding passed between them. Poopatine was surprised. It wasn't the regular hatred or annoyance. For now they had no desire to fight. They went back to the symbol. The symbol… Poopatine recognized it from the Necronomicon. His stomach flipped. It symbolized deep desire, an unfulfilled wish the one drawing the symbol would do anything to obtain. A once in a lifetime spell. It was wrapped up so tightly no wizard in history had found out a loophole to summon it back once it had been used; not even the sorcerer in that story _The Sorcerer's Apprentice_. Did he _want_ to know what wish the two had in mind?

He looked back up at the stars. Brenda whistled and beeped quietly. Poopatine absently stroked her arm. Just then he was aware of the two boys climbing onto her arms. He looked up at them curiously. "Papa, would you mind terribly reading this to us?" Kyle questioned, dropping a book onto Poopatine's lap. "It's by Edgar Allen Poe, _The Telltale Heart_."

"Und zis," Sigmund added, dropping another thin volume on him. "_The Monkey's Paw_."

"More wishes?" Poopatine questioned quietly, picking them up. The two exchanged glances then looked back at the symbol. How had _he_ known what it meant? They said nothing in return. He sighed and opened the two stories. Brenda beeped and produced two steaming cups of hot milk, giving them to the boys.

"Thank you Brenda," Kyle said.

"Yes, danke," Sigmund adsently remarked, sipping.

Brenda made some noises and Poopatine cringed. "She says just call her mother, or mom, or whatever suits you," he translated cautiously. They paused and raised incredulous eyebrows, then looked at her.

After a moment Sigmund answered, "Very vell. Dankeshan mozher."

"Th-thank you mommy?" Kyle more questioned than anything. Making sure they were settled, Poopatine began to read the stories to them.

FBaCC

The two boys were almost asleep, leaning against his shoulders and listening as he finished the two short stories. "Good author," Sigmund remarked.

"One of my personal favorites," Kyle said sleepily.

They were in the state he needed, Poopatine realized, to get an answer for the question that was burning in his mind. "What wish did you two want granted?" he questioned, looking at the symbol on the ground.

They were silent, and for a moment he thought they were asleep. He sighed and got off the chair, placing them both on Brenda. She would take them to their rooms. He went to the edge of the roof and looked darkly over the ledge, scanning the town below. Just then Kyle said, "That you would stay."

"Zat I could lead un relatively normal life vith ein family, if only for ein little vhile longer," Sigmund added.

Poopatine straightened up and looked back at them. They were almost asleep. Poopatine finally sighed and answered, "If you want me to stay, I will stay. At least for a little bit longer. Who knows when your professor will randomly show up again? You need only ask."

They looked up at him hopefully. "Will you really?" Kyle questioned.

"Do you want me to?" he asked.

"Yes!" Sigmund exclaimed quickly.

"So be it," Poopatine agreed. "Only for a while." They looked up at him then nodded, finally giving up and succumbing to sleep. Brenda quietly rolled away to bring them to bed. Poopatine watched after them then turned back to the ledge looking out once more. "What have I done?" he asked softly. He sighed then added, "Gods forgive me." He didn't know what he needed to be forgiven for, but it didn't stop him from asking. So he was going to stay a little longer. What was the harm in that? Why was a foreboding feeling coming over him? Galaxy Hills had its share of excitement, but nothing too big. So why wouldn't this feeling leave? He supposed time would tell all. He wondered greatly what was coming next, though.

* * *

Final Notes: To be followed by-_Fanboy and Chum Chum: Attack of the Clowns_. Provided a sequel is wanted, that is. Yes, I know it's another Star Wars Parodying title, but I had no clue what to call _this_ story. I watched the Star Wars series and figured it was as good a temporary title as any and used it. As you can see, it stuck. And it gave me an idea. The next one will be under horror genre as well.

You have to admit there's plenty of episodes where Kyle definitely would have benefitted with a parent figure around. Like when he was sick, when he lost a tooth, when Sigmund arrived, when Fanboy and Chum Chum released Professor Flan the first time, and every time after. He can't stay out of trouble. I hope you've enjoyed the story. Reviews are appreciated, especially when they're given after every chapter.


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